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Admission Of The Year
Winner: Curtis Davies admitting he played like a "pub player" on his debut for Aston Villa.
Runner-Up: Alan Curbishley admitting he "didn't know exactly what they did there" when Spurs switched to a thoroughly baffling three-at-the-back formation.
Anti-Climax Of The Year
Winner: The FA Cup final. Did anyone not supporting either ManYoo or Chelski manage to stay awake?
Runner-Up: The end-of-season Premiership clash between Manchester United and Chelski...just a few days after United had secured the title. How Sky must have regretted holding that fixture back...
Advice Of The Year
Winner: As published on the morning of October's Merseyside derby in Graham Poll's column for The Daily Mail: 'WATCH OUT FOR Mark Clattenburg at this weekend's Merseyside derby. Clattenburg has already controlled the Manchester and north London derbies successfully and has been proclaimed as England's best referee in The Official Line all season.'
Brown-Nose Of The Year
Winner: Patrice Evra for announcing: "When it comes to Alex Ferguson I just want to thank the Lord. Whatever may happen in the future, I have been trained by Alex Ferguson."
Runner-Up: A joint award to the entire England football team for lining up in turn to hail Fabio Capello as the saviour of English football.
Busiest Man Of The Year
Winner: Sam Allardyce, who, despite responding to a Panorama investigation by announcing, "I'm denying all allegations that have been alleged against me...The matter's in the lawyers' hands and will be resolved by due process - I have instructed my lawyers to take the appropriate action", still hasn't found to deliver the promised writ a full 14 months later.
Comeback Of The Year
Winner: West Ham winning seven of their last nine matches to avoid relegation having all-but waved the white flag following defeat to Tottenham in March.
Runner-Up: David Beckham being recalled by both Real Madrid and England.
Commentary Exchange Of The Year
Winner: As disclosed during ITV's commentary of ManYoo v Roma:
Clive Tyldesley: "This won't be Manchester United's biggest win in Europe - they actually won a game 10-1."
David Pleat: "I remember that as a young man - against Anderlecht wasn't it?"
Tyldesley: "It was in 1903, David."
Runner-Up: An utterly desperate John Motson imploring ""Say something Mark!" in the closing minutes of England 2 Croatia 3.
"I can't," responded Lawro forlornly.
Costly Failure Of The Year
Winner: England's non-qualification for Euro 2008. Which, aside from the embarrassment, will cost the economy approximately £1bn.
Runner-Up: The FA neglecting to add a clause in Steve McClaren's contract that stipulated qualifying for major international tournaments was a minimum requirement. Otherwise they wouldn't have to give McClaren a £2.5m pay-off after sacking him because "Qualifying for a major tournament is the minimum requirement".
Cunning Plan Of The Year
Winner: Napoli fans plotting to sign Ronaldinho for as little as €2 million by meeting the hitherto prohibitive €134 million buy-out clause in his Barcelona contract by agreeing a deal with the Brazilian forward, and by putting all the aforementioned on the 67/1 odds for Ronnie joining the Italian club.
Dive Of The Year
Winner: Ashley Young v Arsenal in December.
Runner-Up: Cristiano Ronaldo v Tottenham in February.
Déjà Vu Of The Year
Winner: Chris Hutchings being sacked after 12 league matches in charge of relegation-threatened Wigan in the first week of November - almost exactly seven years to the day that he was sacked by relegation-threatened Bradford after 12 league matches in charge.
Error Of The Year
Winner: The Manchester United Christmas party.
Runner-Up: Freddie Ljungberg giving up on Arsenal after the sale of Thierry Henry to take on an "exciting challenge" at West Ham instead.
Familiar U-Turn Of The Year
Winner: David Beckham being recalled by both England and Real Madrid in response to a series of a poor results.
Grim Reaper Of The Year
Winner: Avram Grant. Three Premiership managers in little over a month were sacked immediately after defeats to Grant's Chelski side.
Harshest Sacking Of The Year
Winner: Billy Davies. He'd still be manager of Derby if they were still in the Championship. Which they will be next season regardless of his dismissal.
Runner-Up: Chris Coleman. Fulham were in a better state under Coleman than they were under Lawrie Sanchez's moaning management, a situation now rectified by Mo Fayed.
F365's Favourite Headline Of The Year
Winner: 'Liverpool Player Told Policeman He Loved Him'
Runner-Up: 'Glen Johnson Arrested For Stealing Toilet Seat From Dartford's B&Q'
High-Pitched Squealer Of The Year
Winner: Jacqui Oatley, the first female commentator on Match of The Day.
Holiday Destination Of The Year
Winner: Rome, scene of 11 stabbings in April and another five in December. Wish you were there?
Holidayer Of The Year
Winner: Craig Bellamy, who enlivened Liverpool's training trip to the Algarve in February by waking up team-mate John Arne Riise with the aid of a golf club.
Runner-Up: Steve McClaren, who announced "I'm not one to lie on a beach," approximately 12 hours before he flew out to his Caribbean holiday home with a £2.5m pay-off that bought him a second holiday home in Barbados.
Fall From Grace Of The Year
Winner: David Nugent. From scoring for England on his debut in March to being a £5m outcast at Portsmouth in four months.
Runner-Up: Peter Taylor's appointment as manager of non-league Stevenage exactly seven years after taking charge of the England national side.
Family Man Of The Year
Winner: Stephen Ireland, who killed off both of his grandmothers as he sought to explain his withdrawal from the Republic of Ireland squad. After media enquiries revealed otherwise, a chastened Ireland admitted: "I realise now that it was a massive mistake to say my grandmothers had died and I deeply regret it."
Runner-Up Anton Ferdinand, who told West Ham he would be spending his week off tending to his sick grandmother on the Isle of Wight, only to fly to South Carolina in the United States for all-night p**s-up at the splendidly-named Knock Knock nightclub.
Famous Last Words Of The Year
Winner: "I am in my fourth season here and if I can carry on five, six, seven, eight years, then I will go on without any problem. I have no desire to change and try something different in Italy or Spain. I don't have that desire. I want to stay - and if Chelsea had wanted to make a change, they would have done it by now" - Jose Mourinho, July.
Runner-Up "There are only two ways for me to leave Chelsea. One way is in June 2010 when I finish my contract and if the club doesn't give me a new one. It is the end of my contract and I am out. The second way is for Chelsea to sack me. The way of the manager leaving the club by deciding to walk away, no chance! I will never do this to Chelsea supporters" - Jose Mourinho, February.
Finding Their Level Of The Year
Winners: A joint award to Steve Bruce and Paul Jewell for swapping relegation strugglers Birmingham and Wigan for relegation strugglers Wigan and Derby.
Job Satisfaction Of The Year
Winner: Reading manager Steve Coppell for revealing: "I never enjoy my job. Never. I can't enjoy management. I work all week to win a game. If we win I have an unbelievable high for 20 minutes. But then it's thinking about the next game. If we are beaten it's a bottomless pit."
Runner-Up: Manchester City footballer Stephen Ireland for announcing on an internet site, in which he posted under the name of 'Daddy Dick', that: "Football is sh*t".
Least Surprising Headline Of The Day
Winner: 'Harry Redknapp Arrested'
Runner-Up: 'Liverpool Mailboxers In Denial'.
Least Surprising Quote Of The Year
Winner: "It's a long while since I've had sex" - Iain Dowie.
Least Considered Celebration Of The Year
Winner: Football fans in Iraq taking to the streets to commemorate their country's win in the Asian Cup by firing bullets into the sky. Forgetting the law that everything that goes up must come down, three were killed and another fifty injured.
Longest Minutes Of The Year
Winner: The 53 in which England failed to open the scoring against Andorra in March.
Runner-Up: The 90 in which England were humiliated by Croatia to crash out of Euro 2008.
Managerial Error Of The Year
Winner: Billy Davies guiding Derby to promotion. Otherwise, he'd still have a job.
Runner-Up: Steve McClaren selecting Scott Carson rather than David James as Paul Robinson's replacement against Croatia. Otherwise, England would be at Euro 2008 and McClaren would still be in gainful employment. Probably.
Media Spat Of The Season
Winner: Oliver Holt versus the good people of Reading. In February, Holt devoted one of his Daily Mirror columns to the subject of how the club had put 'The Berks Into Berkshire'. An invitation to appear on Radio Berkshire was duly accepted, but resulted in Holt's next column musing on 'death threats, abuse and the snivelling of a cheerleader masquerading as a journalist from BBC Radio Berkshire'. Terrific.
Runner-Up: Vladimir Romanov's battle with "those journalists who remind me of those Bolsheviks in Soviet times who wanted to shoot a peasant only because he planted the seeds". In April, the Hearts chairman published a follow-up statement in which he described Scottish football hacks as monkeys from the safari park. The missive was further embellished with a picture of a monkey tagged as 'an enemy of talent' and 'a teacher of mediocrity'.
Moaner Of The Year
Winner: Lawrie Sanchez.
Runner-Up: Steve Bruce.
Money-Maker Of The Year
Winner: David Beckham joining Los Angeles Galaxy on a £128million ($250m) five-year deal. Not bad for a pub team.
Runner-Up: Fabio Capello announcing he was interested in becoming England manager even before Steve McClaren had been sacked and then signing a contract worth £4.8m a year. The second-best paid manager in international football is Guus Hiddink on around £2.5m a year. However did the FA manage to get their man?
Most-Scrutinised Bout Of Handbags Of The Year
Winner: The Snarling Cup final's pushing and shoving.
Most Under-Scrutinised Bout Of Handbags Of The Year
Winner: Anything that happens in the lower leagues. A non-Premiership footballer can punch anybody he likes so long as it isn't on telly.
Mute Of The Year
Winner: Roman Abramovich. As in every year.
Runner-Up: A joint award to Sir Alex Ferguson, Sam Allardyce and Harry Redknapp from the BBC.
Nightmare Debut Of The Year
Winner: England's Scott Carson v Croatia. Having completely missed Nico Kranjcar's ninth-minute shot five minutes before Ivica Olic rounded him for Croatia's second goal, Carson's first touches in England colours involved picking the ball out of the back of the net. Twice.
Phone Call Of The Year
Winner:The 17 minutes Mediawatch spent on the phone to a tabloid hack in which the words 'parasite' and 'internet nerds' were frequently used. Not by Mediawatch.
Player Of The Year
Winner: Cristiano Ronaldo.
Runner-Up: Cesc Fabregas.
Pre-Match Preparation Of The Year
Winner: James Harper's morning fry-up before Reading's match with Derby in October: "I usually go to Sainsbury's or Asda but on Sunday I did one for myself. But I did not cook the sausages enough and I had the s***s and felt sick. I thought I was going to die and could not even run. I thought I'd have to come off at half-time, but in the second half I started to feel better. I had to go home and cook more sausages just to prove I could do it right."
Punch-Up Of The Year
Winner: The post-match, no-holds-barred brawl between Valencia and Inter Milan players.
Punch-Up Commentary Of The Year
Winner: Jamie's Redknapp's: "Here it comes! Here it comes! BANG!"
Romantic Of The Year
Winner: Jermaine Pennant, who, in the reported words of model Brooke Healey, marked their departure to the bedroom by "pretending to be Tarzan". In a bid to impress Ms Healey, the Liverpool winger is said to have "Bashed himself on the chest and did the silly cry to go with it." Remarkable.
Runner-Up: Ashley Young, who, on the eve of England's game in Russia, informed a young lady via webcam from his hotel room that he would ""Love to lick ur ****** making them nice and ****...yeh babe, teasing ur ****." The young lady's response, alas, isn't recorded.
Romantics Of The Year
Winners: Aston Villa fans serenading visiting Portsmouth manager Harry Redknapp with a chant of "You're getting f**ked in the showers" after his arrest by police.
Signing Of The Year
Winner: Elano.
Runner-Up: Roque Santa Cruz - great name, great player for just £3.5m.
Steve McClaren's Famous Last Words Of The Year
Winner: "There is a great determination among the players to qualify. It is my job to make sure they do it and I have no fear or concern that we won't, none whatsoever" - March 9.
Runner-Up: "I said judge me over 12 games and I'll be judged on that" - November 22, approximately 12 hours before his dismissal.
Team-Mates Of The Year
Winners: Joey Barton and Ousmane Dabo.
Runners-Up: John Arne Riise and Craig Bellamy.
Tedious Summer Saga Of The Year
Winner: Carlos Tevez's transfer to ManYoo which dragged on for almost two months.
Thrashing Of The Year
Winner: Liverpool 8 Besiktas 0 - just two weeks after Besiktas 2 Liverpool 1.
Runner-Up: Arsenal 7 Prague 0 - just two weeks before Prague 0 Arsenal 0.
Underappreciated Achievement Of The Year
Winner: David Healy becoming the first player to score 13 goals in a European Championship campaign.
Villain Of The Year
Winner: Steve McClaren, a convenient scapegoat for all of English football's ills.
Runner-Up: Arsene Wenger. As above.
Water Shortage Suffer Of The Year
Winner: Jermaine Pennant, who, in June, collapsed on aeroplane with an infliction described by his agent Sky Andrew as "a bit of dehydration". Other reports mentioned '24-hour boozing binge'.
Well Managed Managerial Sacking Of The Year
Winner: Martin Jol's three-month-long dismissal at Spurs culminating in the Dutchman's ousting becoming common knowledge during the defeat to Getafe. Jol, in contrast, was just about the only person in the ground not to know he was already a goner.
Wife Of The Year
Winner: Belinda Coleman, wife of Chris, who spent £2,000 bugging his car after becoming convinced he was playing away. The then Fulham boss only found out when a Sun reporter told him.
Worst Tackle Of The Year
Winner: Dirk Kuyt's impression of Superman flying backwards during the Merseyside derby.
Runner-Up: Peter Crouch's lunge towards Obi Mikel. Note 'towards'. If you are going to be sent off for making a two-footed tackle, you might as well make it count and actually hit your target...
Pete Gill
http://football365.com/story/0,17033,8742_2996801,00.html
Winner: Curtis Davies admitting he played like a "pub player" on his debut for Aston Villa.
Runner-Up: Alan Curbishley admitting he "didn't know exactly what they did there" when Spurs switched to a thoroughly baffling three-at-the-back formation.
Anti-Climax Of The Year
Winner: The FA Cup final. Did anyone not supporting either ManYoo or Chelski manage to stay awake?
Runner-Up: The end-of-season Premiership clash between Manchester United and Chelski...just a few days after United had secured the title. How Sky must have regretted holding that fixture back...
Advice Of The Year
Winner: As published on the morning of October's Merseyside derby in Graham Poll's column for The Daily Mail: 'WATCH OUT FOR Mark Clattenburg at this weekend's Merseyside derby. Clattenburg has already controlled the Manchester and north London derbies successfully and has been proclaimed as England's best referee in The Official Line all season.'
Brown-Nose Of The Year
Winner: Patrice Evra for announcing: "When it comes to Alex Ferguson I just want to thank the Lord. Whatever may happen in the future, I have been trained by Alex Ferguson."
Runner-Up: A joint award to the entire England football team for lining up in turn to hail Fabio Capello as the saviour of English football.
Busiest Man Of The Year
Winner: Sam Allardyce, who, despite responding to a Panorama investigation by announcing, "I'm denying all allegations that have been alleged against me...The matter's in the lawyers' hands and will be resolved by due process - I have instructed my lawyers to take the appropriate action", still hasn't found to deliver the promised writ a full 14 months later.
Comeback Of The Year
Winner: West Ham winning seven of their last nine matches to avoid relegation having all-but waved the white flag following defeat to Tottenham in March.
Runner-Up: David Beckham being recalled by both Real Madrid and England.
Commentary Exchange Of The Year
Winner: As disclosed during ITV's commentary of ManYoo v Roma:
Clive Tyldesley: "This won't be Manchester United's biggest win in Europe - they actually won a game 10-1."
David Pleat: "I remember that as a young man - against Anderlecht wasn't it?"
Tyldesley: "It was in 1903, David."
Runner-Up: An utterly desperate John Motson imploring ""Say something Mark!" in the closing minutes of England 2 Croatia 3.
"I can't," responded Lawro forlornly.
Costly Failure Of The Year
Winner: England's non-qualification for Euro 2008. Which, aside from the embarrassment, will cost the economy approximately £1bn.
Runner-Up: The FA neglecting to add a clause in Steve McClaren's contract that stipulated qualifying for major international tournaments was a minimum requirement. Otherwise they wouldn't have to give McClaren a £2.5m pay-off after sacking him because "Qualifying for a major tournament is the minimum requirement".
Cunning Plan Of The Year
Winner: Napoli fans plotting to sign Ronaldinho for as little as €2 million by meeting the hitherto prohibitive €134 million buy-out clause in his Barcelona contract by agreeing a deal with the Brazilian forward, and by putting all the aforementioned on the 67/1 odds for Ronnie joining the Italian club.
Dive Of The Year
Winner: Ashley Young v Arsenal in December.
Runner-Up: Cristiano Ronaldo v Tottenham in February.
Déjà Vu Of The Year
Winner: Chris Hutchings being sacked after 12 league matches in charge of relegation-threatened Wigan in the first week of November - almost exactly seven years to the day that he was sacked by relegation-threatened Bradford after 12 league matches in charge.
Error Of The Year
Winner: The Manchester United Christmas party.
Runner-Up: Freddie Ljungberg giving up on Arsenal after the sale of Thierry Henry to take on an "exciting challenge" at West Ham instead.
Familiar U-Turn Of The Year
Winner: David Beckham being recalled by both England and Real Madrid in response to a series of a poor results.
Grim Reaper Of The Year
Winner: Avram Grant. Three Premiership managers in little over a month were sacked immediately after defeats to Grant's Chelski side.
Harshest Sacking Of The Year
Winner: Billy Davies. He'd still be manager of Derby if they were still in the Championship. Which they will be next season regardless of his dismissal.
Runner-Up: Chris Coleman. Fulham were in a better state under Coleman than they were under Lawrie Sanchez's moaning management, a situation now rectified by Mo Fayed.
F365's Favourite Headline Of The Year
Winner: 'Liverpool Player Told Policeman He Loved Him'
Runner-Up: 'Glen Johnson Arrested For Stealing Toilet Seat From Dartford's B&Q'
High-Pitched Squealer Of The Year
Winner: Jacqui Oatley, the first female commentator on Match of The Day.
Holiday Destination Of The Year
Winner: Rome, scene of 11 stabbings in April and another five in December. Wish you were there?
Holidayer Of The Year
Winner: Craig Bellamy, who enlivened Liverpool's training trip to the Algarve in February by waking up team-mate John Arne Riise with the aid of a golf club.
Runner-Up: Steve McClaren, who announced "I'm not one to lie on a beach," approximately 12 hours before he flew out to his Caribbean holiday home with a £2.5m pay-off that bought him a second holiday home in Barbados.
Fall From Grace Of The Year
Winner: David Nugent. From scoring for England on his debut in March to being a £5m outcast at Portsmouth in four months.
Runner-Up: Peter Taylor's appointment as manager of non-league Stevenage exactly seven years after taking charge of the England national side.
Family Man Of The Year
Winner: Stephen Ireland, who killed off both of his grandmothers as he sought to explain his withdrawal from the Republic of Ireland squad. After media enquiries revealed otherwise, a chastened Ireland admitted: "I realise now that it was a massive mistake to say my grandmothers had died and I deeply regret it."
Runner-Up Anton Ferdinand, who told West Ham he would be spending his week off tending to his sick grandmother on the Isle of Wight, only to fly to South Carolina in the United States for all-night p**s-up at the splendidly-named Knock Knock nightclub.
Famous Last Words Of The Year
Winner: "I am in my fourth season here and if I can carry on five, six, seven, eight years, then I will go on without any problem. I have no desire to change and try something different in Italy or Spain. I don't have that desire. I want to stay - and if Chelsea had wanted to make a change, they would have done it by now" - Jose Mourinho, July.
Runner-Up "There are only two ways for me to leave Chelsea. One way is in June 2010 when I finish my contract and if the club doesn't give me a new one. It is the end of my contract and I am out. The second way is for Chelsea to sack me. The way of the manager leaving the club by deciding to walk away, no chance! I will never do this to Chelsea supporters" - Jose Mourinho, February.
Finding Their Level Of The Year
Winners: A joint award to Steve Bruce and Paul Jewell for swapping relegation strugglers Birmingham and Wigan for relegation strugglers Wigan and Derby.
Job Satisfaction Of The Year
Winner: Reading manager Steve Coppell for revealing: "I never enjoy my job. Never. I can't enjoy management. I work all week to win a game. If we win I have an unbelievable high for 20 minutes. But then it's thinking about the next game. If we are beaten it's a bottomless pit."
Runner-Up: Manchester City footballer Stephen Ireland for announcing on an internet site, in which he posted under the name of 'Daddy Dick', that: "Football is sh*t".
Least Surprising Headline Of The Day
Winner: 'Harry Redknapp Arrested'
Runner-Up: 'Liverpool Mailboxers In Denial'.
Least Surprising Quote Of The Year
Winner: "It's a long while since I've had sex" - Iain Dowie.
Least Considered Celebration Of The Year
Winner: Football fans in Iraq taking to the streets to commemorate their country's win in the Asian Cup by firing bullets into the sky. Forgetting the law that everything that goes up must come down, three were killed and another fifty injured.
Longest Minutes Of The Year
Winner: The 53 in which England failed to open the scoring against Andorra in March.
Runner-Up: The 90 in which England were humiliated by Croatia to crash out of Euro 2008.
Managerial Error Of The Year
Winner: Billy Davies guiding Derby to promotion. Otherwise, he'd still have a job.
Runner-Up: Steve McClaren selecting Scott Carson rather than David James as Paul Robinson's replacement against Croatia. Otherwise, England would be at Euro 2008 and McClaren would still be in gainful employment. Probably.
Media Spat Of The Season
Winner: Oliver Holt versus the good people of Reading. In February, Holt devoted one of his Daily Mirror columns to the subject of how the club had put 'The Berks Into Berkshire'. An invitation to appear on Radio Berkshire was duly accepted, but resulted in Holt's next column musing on 'death threats, abuse and the snivelling of a cheerleader masquerading as a journalist from BBC Radio Berkshire'. Terrific.
Runner-Up: Vladimir Romanov's battle with "those journalists who remind me of those Bolsheviks in Soviet times who wanted to shoot a peasant only because he planted the seeds". In April, the Hearts chairman published a follow-up statement in which he described Scottish football hacks as monkeys from the safari park. The missive was further embellished with a picture of a monkey tagged as 'an enemy of talent' and 'a teacher of mediocrity'.
Moaner Of The Year
Winner: Lawrie Sanchez.
Runner-Up: Steve Bruce.
Money-Maker Of The Year
Winner: David Beckham joining Los Angeles Galaxy on a £128million ($250m) five-year deal. Not bad for a pub team.
Runner-Up: Fabio Capello announcing he was interested in becoming England manager even before Steve McClaren had been sacked and then signing a contract worth £4.8m a year. The second-best paid manager in international football is Guus Hiddink on around £2.5m a year. However did the FA manage to get their man?
Most-Scrutinised Bout Of Handbags Of The Year
Winner: The Snarling Cup final's pushing and shoving.
Most Under-Scrutinised Bout Of Handbags Of The Year
Winner: Anything that happens in the lower leagues. A non-Premiership footballer can punch anybody he likes so long as it isn't on telly.
Mute Of The Year
Winner: Roman Abramovich. As in every year.
Runner-Up: A joint award to Sir Alex Ferguson, Sam Allardyce and Harry Redknapp from the BBC.
Nightmare Debut Of The Year
Winner: England's Scott Carson v Croatia. Having completely missed Nico Kranjcar's ninth-minute shot five minutes before Ivica Olic rounded him for Croatia's second goal, Carson's first touches in England colours involved picking the ball out of the back of the net. Twice.
Phone Call Of The Year
Winner:The 17 minutes Mediawatch spent on the phone to a tabloid hack in which the words 'parasite' and 'internet nerds' were frequently used. Not by Mediawatch.
Player Of The Year
Winner: Cristiano Ronaldo.
Runner-Up: Cesc Fabregas.
Pre-Match Preparation Of The Year
Winner: James Harper's morning fry-up before Reading's match with Derby in October: "I usually go to Sainsbury's or Asda but on Sunday I did one for myself. But I did not cook the sausages enough and I had the s***s and felt sick. I thought I was going to die and could not even run. I thought I'd have to come off at half-time, but in the second half I started to feel better. I had to go home and cook more sausages just to prove I could do it right."
Punch-Up Of The Year
Winner: The post-match, no-holds-barred brawl between Valencia and Inter Milan players.
Punch-Up Commentary Of The Year
Winner: Jamie's Redknapp's: "Here it comes! Here it comes! BANG!"
Romantic Of The Year
Winner: Jermaine Pennant, who, in the reported words of model Brooke Healey, marked their departure to the bedroom by "pretending to be Tarzan". In a bid to impress Ms Healey, the Liverpool winger is said to have "Bashed himself on the chest and did the silly cry to go with it." Remarkable.
Runner-Up: Ashley Young, who, on the eve of England's game in Russia, informed a young lady via webcam from his hotel room that he would ""Love to lick ur ****** making them nice and ****...yeh babe, teasing ur ****." The young lady's response, alas, isn't recorded.
Romantics Of The Year
Winners: Aston Villa fans serenading visiting Portsmouth manager Harry Redknapp with a chant of "You're getting f**ked in the showers" after his arrest by police.
Signing Of The Year
Winner: Elano.
Runner-Up: Roque Santa Cruz - great name, great player for just £3.5m.
Steve McClaren's Famous Last Words Of The Year
Winner: "There is a great determination among the players to qualify. It is my job to make sure they do it and I have no fear or concern that we won't, none whatsoever" - March 9.
Runner-Up: "I said judge me over 12 games and I'll be judged on that" - November 22, approximately 12 hours before his dismissal.
Team-Mates Of The Year
Winners: Joey Barton and Ousmane Dabo.
Runners-Up: John Arne Riise and Craig Bellamy.
Tedious Summer Saga Of The Year
Winner: Carlos Tevez's transfer to ManYoo which dragged on for almost two months.
Thrashing Of The Year
Winner: Liverpool 8 Besiktas 0 - just two weeks after Besiktas 2 Liverpool 1.
Runner-Up: Arsenal 7 Prague 0 - just two weeks before Prague 0 Arsenal 0.
Underappreciated Achievement Of The Year
Winner: David Healy becoming the first player to score 13 goals in a European Championship campaign.
Villain Of The Year
Winner: Steve McClaren, a convenient scapegoat for all of English football's ills.
Runner-Up: Arsene Wenger. As above.
Water Shortage Suffer Of The Year
Winner: Jermaine Pennant, who, in June, collapsed on aeroplane with an infliction described by his agent Sky Andrew as "a bit of dehydration". Other reports mentioned '24-hour boozing binge'.
Well Managed Managerial Sacking Of The Year
Winner: Martin Jol's three-month-long dismissal at Spurs culminating in the Dutchman's ousting becoming common knowledge during the defeat to Getafe. Jol, in contrast, was just about the only person in the ground not to know he was already a goner.
Wife Of The Year
Winner: Belinda Coleman, wife of Chris, who spent £2,000 bugging his car after becoming convinced he was playing away. The then Fulham boss only found out when a Sun reporter told him.
Worst Tackle Of The Year
Winner: Dirk Kuyt's impression of Superman flying backwards during the Merseyside derby.
Runner-Up: Peter Crouch's lunge towards Obi Mikel. Note 'towards'. If you are going to be sent off for making a two-footed tackle, you might as well make it count and actually hit your target...
Pete Gill
http://football365.com/story/0,17033,8742_2996801,00.html
