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So we're 1/3 through the season already. It's time to debate who are the stand out performers so we can bring back the use of the < and > symbols. They feel unloved.
I'll go first, thanks.
GK: Jack Butland
Why? Aside from a shitload of Fantasy Football points, he's making a shit Stoke appear a lot better than they really are. Stoke themselves have got to be one of the most disappointing teams this year, given the circle jerk over their CL winning signings in the summer. Only Butland has stood out for them, and he's stopped more shots than any other keeper in the league without the customary brainfarts that have blighted his challengers. Plus picking Cech or De Gea would just be unimaginative and gay.
Left Back: Brendan Galloway
Why? Because firstly there aren't any really decent Left Backs in the PL right now. Secondly, because Everton have barely missed Baines. Plays like a kid who hasn't yet realized he'll soon be carrying the weight of expectation around like a sack of heavy potatoes. Enjoy it while it lasts.
Centre Back: Toby Alderweireld
Why? Best hair in the league, best centreback in the league. Plays for Spurs, so come at me. Or alternatively, remind yourself how our defence is now in the top 3 stingiest barely a year after conceding more than Hull. So nod your head and shut up.
Centre Back: Chris Smalling
Why? Massively unfashionable pick, the equivalent of turning up to a night out in a pair of Crocs. But given they are lightweight, durable and aerated for the dance floor, they're incredibly useful.
Right Back: Hector Bellerin
Why? Because he's really proper fucking good that's why, you don't need Ozil's eyes to see this. Otherwise it'd be Clyne, and nobody wants to vote in black players if we can help it.
Centre Midfield (DM): Emre Can
Why? It strikes me that dm's in general this season have been a bit shit. I'd've said Eric Dier, but then would prefer to avoid any type of unnecessary hype around a player who I tweet numerous times a day a picture of myself in underpants with his face on. Emre Can (Or Emre Can't as he was known in the Brodgers era) is actually a very decent player. Expect him to continue to improve under Plopp.
Centre Midfield (AM): Riyad Mahrez
Why? Another Fantasy Football hashtag Legend. To be fair, he's scored and assisted more goals this year than Wilshere in a decade, despite being a muslim. A MUSLIM!
No 10: Mesut Ozil
Why? RING RING. "HELLO, THIS IS MESUT, HOW CAN I ASSIST YOU?"
Left AM: Kevin De Bruyne
Why? He's not muslim. It's actually worse: he's ginger. Imagine trying to make something of your life when you're ginger. Coops knows this struggle. Frankly, he's been supremely bad ass since signing, and kept City chugging along despite Silva's injury.
Right AM: Dimitri Payet
Why? If you're good enough to carry West Ham into top 6, you're good enough for this list.
Striker: Jamie Vardy
Why? Scored more goals this season than Ronaldo. And Messi. And Neymar. Plays for Leicester, so he's relying on chances being created by the likes of Marc Allbrighton and Nathan Dyer and not the Bug Eyed WunderTurk. Baffling who he sold his soul to.
Manager: Pochettino
Why? Fucking sue me.
I'll go first, thanks.
GK: Jack Butland
Why? Aside from a shitload of Fantasy Football points, he's making a shit Stoke appear a lot better than they really are. Stoke themselves have got to be one of the most disappointing teams this year, given the circle jerk over their CL winning signings in the summer. Only Butland has stood out for them, and he's stopped more shots than any other keeper in the league without the customary brainfarts that have blighted his challengers. Plus picking Cech or De Gea would just be unimaginative and gay.
Left Back: Brendan Galloway
Why? Because firstly there aren't any really decent Left Backs in the PL right now. Secondly, because Everton have barely missed Baines. Plays like a kid who hasn't yet realized he'll soon be carrying the weight of expectation around like a sack of heavy potatoes. Enjoy it while it lasts.
Centre Back: Toby Alderweireld
Why? Best hair in the league, best centreback in the league. Plays for Spurs, so come at me. Or alternatively, remind yourself how our defence is now in the top 3 stingiest barely a year after conceding more than Hull. So nod your head and shut up.
Centre Back: Chris Smalling
Why? Massively unfashionable pick, the equivalent of turning up to a night out in a pair of Crocs. But given they are lightweight, durable and aerated for the dance floor, they're incredibly useful.
Right Back: Hector Bellerin
Why? Because he's really proper fucking good that's why, you don't need Ozil's eyes to see this. Otherwise it'd be Clyne, and nobody wants to vote in black players if we can help it.
Centre Midfield (DM): Emre Can
Why? It strikes me that dm's in general this season have been a bit shit. I'd've said Eric Dier, but then would prefer to avoid any type of unnecessary hype around a player who I tweet numerous times a day a picture of myself in underpants with his face on. Emre Can (Or Emre Can't as he was known in the Brodgers era) is actually a very decent player. Expect him to continue to improve under Plopp.
Centre Midfield (AM): Riyad Mahrez
Why? Another Fantasy Football hashtag Legend. To be fair, he's scored and assisted more goals this year than Wilshere in a decade, despite being a muslim. A MUSLIM!
No 10: Mesut Ozil
Why? RING RING. "HELLO, THIS IS MESUT, HOW CAN I ASSIST YOU?"
Left AM: Kevin De Bruyne
Why? He's not muslim. It's actually worse: he's ginger. Imagine trying to make something of your life when you're ginger. Coops knows this struggle. Frankly, he's been supremely bad ass since signing, and kept City chugging along despite Silva's injury.
Right AM: Dimitri Payet
Why? If you're good enough to carry West Ham into top 6, you're good enough for this list.
Striker: Jamie Vardy
Why? Scored more goals this season than Ronaldo. And Messi. And Neymar. Plays for Leicester, so he's relying on chances being created by the likes of Marc Allbrighton and Nathan Dyer and not the Bug Eyed WunderTurk. Baffling who he sold his soul to.
Manager: Pochettino
Why? Fucking sue me.
