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    50 Things We Want To Happen This Season...But Won't

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    50 Things We Want To Happen This Season...But Won't Empty 50 Things We Want To Happen This Season...But Won't

    Post by fcb Fri Aug 15, 2008 3:54 pm

    From F365:
    http://football365.com/story/0,17033,8751_3987806,00.html

    Ones in bold are the best IMO.


    Paul Scholes to learn to tackle. Hell, he's only a 30-something professional footballer, so it's not too late.

    Richard Scudamore to fail his own 'fit and proper person' test.

    Louis Saha's latest sicknote to specifically cite the prospect of playing alongside El-Hadji Diouf as a contributing factor in his ailment.

    Luis Felipe Scolari to drop Ashley Cole and explain to questioning reporters: "Well, he's a c***, isn't he?"

    Roman Abramovich to finally speak in public...but only to agree with Scolari about Cole.

    Laugh

    Martin O'Neill and his lawyers to stop reading Football365.

    Bernard Mendy to admit he only joined Hull because he'd heard, "zat all the women do the jiggy-jig wiz you for a blue WKD."

    Roy Hodgson to declare his intention to sign Wobert Wosawio.

    Kevin Keegan to insist that - following the arrival of Fabricio Coloccini - all his players adopt the bubble perm of Keggy's youth.

    Cristiano Ronaldo to report back to Manchester United with the word 'Slave' permanently tattooed on his face, Prince style.

    Sir Alex Ferguson to donate his collection of wine to Football365 as a Christmas treat.

    Stoke to go one step further than Rory Delap and simply employ a gibbon to throw balls into the box at the heads of the players in red and white.

    A Premier League footballer to have sex with only one woman at any one time. Without any of his friends in attendance with mobile phones.

    An end to the 'Joe Cole's done very well not to go down there...' trend of congratulating players for not cheating.

    David Moyes to get so short of numbers that he ropes in celebrity Toffees John Parrott and Claire Sweeney. Andy van der Meyde, of course, remains on the bench.

    The Independent's Jason Burt to stop reporting that Oba Martins is on the verge of joining Arsenal.

    Harry Redknapp to admit that, actually, as the manager of a top-eight side he is in an enviable position personnel-wise and he has a more-than-adequate selection of players available, thanks.

    A Liverpool player other than either Jamie Carragher or Steven Gerrard to be interviewed immediately after a game.

    Fabio Capello to hold an Ultimate Fighting Championship-style cage fight to decide his England captain.

    Felipe Scolari to admit that he's only keeping SWP on Chelsea's books because he can get into all those tight places that are difficult to clean.

    Paul Ince to instruct his Blackburn players to do star jumps/squat thrusts army-style if they make a mistake. During a game.

    The prices of tickets for Premier League matches to fall at the same rate as the housing market.

    Sam Allardyce to finally find time to respond to the allegations against him in the BBC's Panorama programme.

    Liverpool fans to have a sense of perspective to match their reputed sense of humour.

    Garth Crooks to utter a short sentence that ends in a question mark.

    Wayne Rooney to light up a cigarette in a dull moment during an 8-0 humiliation of Stoke.

    Robbie Keane to revive the glorified roly-poly. We kind of miss it.

    Neither Stoke, Hull nor West Brom to be described as 'plucky' just because they manage to hold a member of the Big Four to a 1-0 defeat with the imaginative arrangement of ten defenders.

    Michael Owen, Ledley King and Robin van Persie to donate their legs to medical research. After all, they don't use them.

    Alan Shearer to say something insightful, thought-provoking, unique, controversial, original or memorable.

    An electric shock to be automatically administered to the private parts of any pundit who says the words, "he'll be disappointed with that."

    Brian Barwick to appear in the box at Wembley glugging from a jug of goose fat.

    The next winners of the Championship to refuse a place in the Premier League on the grounds that it's just too embarrassing.

    A quality player at a non-big four club to say, "Actually, I'd like to stay here and help us try to achieve something long-term."

    Gary Lineker to be replaced as MOTD presenter by his buxom lover Danielle Lux.

    A day to go by without Football365 receiving a single phone call from Julian/Justin/Jo in PR who've, "got a quirky football story that might be just up your street."

    Mike Ashley to prove he's a proper Newcastle fan by watching a match bare-chested. In January.

    Gary Megson to admit that he only meant to bid £1m for Johan Elmander but there was a smudge on the fax paper that looked like a zero. Being English, he thought it rude to renege on his offer.

    Wayne Bridge to turn down his next England call-up on the grounds that when he made the decision to sign a new Chelsea contract, he retired from competitive football.

    Antony Kastrinakis to give himself another promotion to become Bestest World Football Correspondent Of The Sun.

    Ronaldo to wear those little silver hotpants we saw him sporting this summer during a cold Tuesday night game in Hull.

    Tottenham Hotspur to successfully defend a set piece.

    Rangers and Celtic to publicly admit, "Of course we're never going to join the English league. We win titles with players like Lee Naylor up here."

    Harry Redknapp to answer the phone to a journo and respond to his question by saying, "I'm not discussing a player under contract with another club. Certainly not over and over again. Every day."

    Wayne Rooney to score a few goals for England. No, not run around and put loads of effort in. Score goals.

    Steve McClaren to get leave FC Twente, move to another country and pick up yet another hilarious accent.

    Arsenal's medical department to get a player back to fitness in less than three months.

    Roy Keane to make a Sunderland player play in his pants because he forgot his kit.

    Joey Barton to pick on the wrong man. Specifically a very big man.

    His agent Willie McKay to be out on the town with him that night.



    Any more you wish to see?
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    Post by Luis Fri Aug 15, 2008 4:23 pm

    Chelsea to lose a game at Stamford Bridge!
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    Post by lrdsucksgoats Fri Aug 15, 2008 4:31 pm

    Gerrard to score a long range goal that isn't declared to be goal of the season the moment it leaves his foot.

    Wayne Rooney to be sent off for swearing at a referee.

    Arsenal to win a 'tough' away game inside London without their fans proclaiming them title contenders because of it.

    Liverpool fans to not take any criticism of their club as a personal insult.

    Cristiano Ronaldo's obvious limitations to actually be discussed by a commentator or pundit.

    Lionel Messi's obvious limitations to actually be discussed by a commentator or pundit.

    Michael Carrick to take a shot on goal.

    John Terry to block a shot without immediate references to the potential England captaincy.
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    Post by Parks lives Fri Aug 15, 2008 4:35 pm

    John Terry just to be penalised for using his arms to block a shot!
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    Post by lrdsucksgoats Fri Aug 15, 2008 4:40 pm

    A commentator pointing out that none of Man U's players are actually from Manchester.

    Arsenal winning a game without me using it as justification for why they won't win the league.

    A penalty given to the away side at Old Trafford, Anfield, Stamford Bridge or the Bin Laden stadium that isn't a 100% stonewall no questions asked referee would be sacked if he didn't give it penalty.

    A commentator to say after yet another lunging tackle from an Arsenal player that if they play like that then they can have no complaints when their own get injured.

    A commentator to point out the hypocrisy of whichever team/manager/player is currently making waves in the newspapers.

    Sky to decide not to show a disproportionate number of Man U and Liverpool games.

    ITV to get a commentator who can pronounce the players' names.

    Wenger to see the incident, and think the referee did right to penalise Arsenal.
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    Post by S4P Fri Aug 15, 2008 4:47 pm

    Match of the Day pundits to analyse a Manchester United match without showing a video of Cristiano Ronaldo's performance.
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    Post by Kimbo Fri Aug 15, 2008 4:49 pm

    The media to admit that Ronaldo is NOT a midfielder.
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    Post by Dwarf Fri Aug 15, 2008 5:03 pm

    An FA refereeing directive to actually provide notable improvements on the pitch.

    Pundits admit that they don't want referee's to give every 50/50 decision in favor of the attacking side after 12 penalties in 1 match day.

    A commentator to admit that Ronaldo cannot post a contender for goal of the season by scoring a standard free kick with a different technique.
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    Post by Parks lives Fri Aug 15, 2008 5:05 pm

    Can we have some more on Ronaldo, think we're missing those at the moment.
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    Post by Luis Fri Aug 15, 2008 5:09 pm

    Cristiano Ronaldo to admit he never wanted to stay at United and thinks Ferguson is a c**t when he moves to Madrid in January/next summer.
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    Post by BoBo Vieri 32 Fri Aug 15, 2008 6:25 pm

    What's the Bin Laden stadium Robocock?
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    Post by Sheffield gunner Fri Aug 15, 2008 6:27 pm

    BoBo Vieri 32 wrote:What's the Bin Laden stadium Robocock?

    The Emirates I guess.
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    Post by BoBo Vieri 32 Fri Aug 15, 2008 6:28 pm

    strange since he's not actually from the UAE and has no connection with the country.
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    Post by TM Fri Aug 15, 2008 6:34 pm

    Apparently Bin Laden supports Arsenal.
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    Post by Glenarch of the Glen Fri Aug 15, 2008 6:56 pm

    Ronaldo
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    Post by lrdsucksgoats Fri Aug 15, 2008 7:01 pm

    BoBo Vieri 32 wrote:strange since he's not actually from the UAE and has no connection with the country.


    Jesus fucking christ some people are ignorant:

    Le Figaro, 11 October 2001

    Posted at globalresearch.ca 2 November 2001

    Dubai, one of the seven emirates of the Federation of the United Arab Emirates, North-East of Abi-Dhabi. This city, population 350,000, was the backdrop of a secret meeting between Osama bin Laden and the local CIA agent in July. A partner of the administration of the American Hospital in Dubai claims that public enemy number one stayed at this hospital between the 4th and 14th of July.

    Having taken off from the Quetta airport in Pakistan, bin Laden was transferred to the hospital upon his arrival at Dubai airport.

    http://www.globalresearch.ca/articles/RIC111B.html

    The Central Intelligence Agency did not target Al Qaeda chief Osama bin laden once as he had the royal family of the United Arab Emirates with him in Afghanistan, the agency's director, George Tenet, told the National Commission on Terrorist Attacks on the United States on Thursday.
    http://www.rediff.com/news/2004/mar/25osama.htm

    Hunting camp cited
    The report states U.S. intelligence believed that bin Laden was visiting an area in the Afghan desert in February 1999 near a hunting camp used by U.A.E. officials, and that the U.S. military planned a missile strike.

    Intelligence from local tribal sources indicated “bin Laden regularly went from his adjacent camp to the larger camp where he visited the Emirates,” the report said.

    “National technical intelligence confirmed the location and description of the larger camp and showed the nearby presence of an official aircraft of the United Arab Emirates. But the location of bin Laden’s quarters could not be pinned down so precisely,” the report said.

    The missile attack was never launched, and bin Laden moved on, the report said.

    A month later, top White House counterterrorism official Richard Clarke “called a U.A.E. official to express his concerns about possible associations between Emirati officials and bin Laden,” the report said.
    http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11522484/

    Reacting to this information, White House counterterrorism chief Richard Clarke reportedly called the UAE to confront them about the government's reported contact with bin Laden, hoping to monitor the camp to launch a missile strike when bin Laden returned. Less than a week after the call, intelligence officials were "irate" to discover that the camp had been abandoned and dismantled.

    But UAE ties to terrorism have received media scrutiny long before the ports contract uproar.

    A September 14, 2001 report in The Guardian claimed that investigators had already linked some of the September 11 terrorists to the UAE. The only other country singled out in the Guardian report was Saudi Arabia. The UK news agency also noted that the nation was one of just three that recognized the Taliban government in Afghanistan.

    State controlled television in the UAE confirmed that two 9/11 suspects had licenses issued by the state.

    The Guardian also noted that one of the suspects in the bombing of the USS Cole claimed to have received telephone instructions for the bombing from a co-conspirator inside the UAE.

    The United States continues to maintain a good relationship with the UAE, considered to be a partner in the war on terror.
    http://rawstory.com/news/2005/Reports_tied_UAE_to_bin_Laden_0223.html

    Need I go on?
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    Post by Glenarch of the Glen Fri Aug 15, 2008 7:11 pm

    Yes!
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    Post by lrdsucksgoats Fri Aug 15, 2008 7:17 pm

    Shut up Glenn. Rolling Eyes
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    Post by BoBo Vieri 32 Fri Aug 15, 2008 8:07 pm

    Bin Laden is not born in the UAE. Unlike you, i don't take everything that's written on the internet as gospel.

    The UAE is becoming a very prosperous country and more diverse. You don't have to link every Arab country with terrorism and Bin Laden.
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    Post by lrdsucksgoats Fri Aug 15, 2008 8:35 pm

    BoBo Vieri 32 wrote:Bin Laden is not born in the UAE.

    Never said he was.

    Unlike you, i don't take everything that's written on the internet as gospel.

    I don't. I've verified a lot of this information via other sources. But y'know, we're on the internet, so instead of referring you to book you're too thick to read, I quoted some internet articles.

    Dipshit.

    The UAE is becoming a very prosperous country and more diverse.

    I wonder why...

    You don't have to link every Arab country with terrorism and Bin Laden.

    I'm not. I'm linking the Emirates Stadium with Bin Laden. You mentioned terrorism.

    Just accept it, you were wrong because you didn't know what you were talking about.
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    Post by BoBo Vieri 32 Fri Aug 15, 2008 8:43 pm

    All the articles you pasted are pure bullshit. All speculation and no evidence. No wonder you spout so much $h!t on here given that you read them.

    I can think of a few reasons why the UAE is becoming prosperous. Obviously you wouldn't know.

    Still don't see the link between Emirates Stadium and Bin Laden. If it was meant to be a joke then it's terrible. There's really no strong link between the UAE and Bin Laden. You've made a massive fool of yourself (not for the first time) and it's probably time that you realised you should stop embaressing yourself like this.
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    Post by lrdsucksgoats Fri Aug 15, 2008 8:49 pm

    Your mum.

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