Why English Managers are Crap

So football needs more English managers? Tell that to the WILast updated at 10:44 PM on 13th March 2010

Phil Brown pinched his nose, shook his head and delivered the most enigmatic remark of the season. ‘I’d like to apologise to the Women’s Institute,’ said the manager of Hull City. ‘There was apparently 50-100 women going on a march across the Humber Bridge and the incident was unsavoury and unfortunate.’

And we hugged ourselves in surprise and delight. For this was pure Alan Bennett; these were lines which the greatest living Englishman would have been thrilled to compose.

Two of Brown’s players, Nick Barmby and Jimmy Bullard, had been seen slicing lumps off each other in a brawl while on a ‘warmdown outing’ to a park close to the Humber Bridge. We can only imagine the genteel incredulity of the Hull WI.

Brown, of course, is one of just seven English managers in the Premier League and he is well schooled in the cliches of his trade.
‘It’s a passionate game and emotions run high,’ he babbled. ‘It’s a sign they care.’

A court might find that explanation singularly unconvincing but the fact Brown could offer it is sadly instructive. In the eyes of most English managers, football is a game played by passionate ruffians. The harder you kick, the more you care and the less foreign players understand your caring. It is a nonsense, of course, but that’s the way the thinking goes.

Naturally, there are exceptions. Roy Hodgson, of Fulham, is a civilising influence , while Brian Laws, of Burnley, displays encouraging signs. But then, there are the others. Harry Redknapp, of Tottenham, who was once instrumental in buying an FA Cup for Portsmouth , takes some pride in his failure to understand foreigners.

Of Samassi Abou, who played for him at West Ham, he said: ‘He don’t speak the English too good.’ Of Abou’s so-called ‘mystery ailment’, he said: ‘The lad went home to the Ivory Coast and got a bit of food poisoning. He must have eaten a dodgy missionary or something.’
And of a crop of new signings, he said: ‘I left a couple of my foreigners out last week and they started talking in “foreign”. I knew what they were saying, “Blah, blah, blah, le b***** manager, f****** useless b*****!”’

Football considers Redknapp a ‘character’, which is a much kinder epithet than the real world might bestow. But then, in that real world an otherwise intelligent man like Steve Bruce might be reluctant to blame Sunderland’s recurring misfortune on ‘the media’.

Some of us find it difficult to keep a straight face when discussing Tony Pulis, of Stoke. It isn’t just the ugliness of the long throws — most commentators regularly assure that ‘there’s a lot more to Stoke than long throws’ — it’s the thought of Pulis leaping from his bath in order to butt his star striker. The story may have been exaggerated but the image is disturbing.

Which brings us to Sam Allardyce. ‘Personal criticism is not the road I go down,’ boomed the Blackburn manager last week.

This from the man who conceals his own cloddish deficiencies with bovine criticism of referees, who declares that Trevor Brooking has been given his senior FA coaching appointment because he has ‘a media-friendly face’ and who maintains a tedious campaign against Rafael Benitez, who not only produces superior football teams but speaks rather better English than the Blackburn bumbler.

It is said that Allardyce is still ambitious to become manager of England. Fabio Capello is not trembling in his shoes.

Now, none of this suggests that English managers are incapable of operating at the highest levels.

From Ramsey to Clough to Paisley to Robson, the precedents are illustrious and persuasive. Yet England is not producing its Ferguson or its Wenger. It cannot offer an O’Neill or a Moyes. Instead, it gives us Cockney caricatures and people who want the ball belted high, long and often.

There are those who contend that there is little wrong with English football which could not be cured by many more English managers.
Personally, I doubt they are right and I doubt that public opinion is with them. For they may offer Messrs Brown, Redknapp, Allardyce et al. But I shall cite the horrified ladies of the Hull Women’s Institute.
I rest my case.


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/article-1257765/Patrick-Collins-So-football-needs-English-managers-Tell-WI.html#ixzz0i8axaCAV

TheCrazy58 wrote:From Mail on Sunday. Quite amusing and correct too.

So football needs more English managers? Tell that to the WILast updated at 10:44 PM on 13th March 2010

Phil Brown pinched his nose, shook his head and delivered the most enigmatic remark of the season. ‘I’d like to apologise to the Women’s Institute,’ said the manager of Hull City. ‘There was apparently 50-100 women going on a march across the Humber Bridge and the incident was unsavoury and unfortunate.’

And we hugged ourselves in surprise and delight. For this was pure Alan Bennett; these were lines which the greatest living Englishman would have been thrilled to compose.

Two of Brown’s players, Nick Barmby and Jimmy Bullard, had been seen slicing lumps off each other in a brawl while on a ‘warmdown outing’ to a park close to the Humber Bridge. We can only imagine the genteel incredulity of the Hull WI.

Brown, of course, is one of just seven English managers in the Premier League and he is well schooled in the cliches of his trade.
‘It’s a passionate game and emotions run high,’ he babbled. ‘It’s a sign they care.’

A court might find that explanation singularly unconvincing but the fact Brown could offer it is sadly instructive. In the eyes of most English managers, football is a game played by passionate ruffians. The harder you kick, the more you care and the less foreign players understand your caring. It is a nonsense, of course, but that’s the way the thinking goes.

Naturally, there are exceptions. Roy Hodgson, of Fulham, is a civilising influence , while Brian Laws, of Burnley, displays encouraging signs. But then, there are the others. Harry Redknapp, of Tottenham, who was once instrumental in buying an FA Cup for Portsmouth , takes some pride in his failure to understand foreigners.

Of Samassi Abou, who played for him at West Ham, he said: ‘He don’t speak the English too good.’ Of Abou’s so-called ‘mystery ailment’, he said: ‘The lad went home to the Ivory Coast and got a bit of food poisoning. He must have eaten a dodgy missionary or something.’
And of a crop of new signings, he said: ‘I left a couple of my foreigners out last week and they started talking in “foreign”. I knew what they were saying, “Blah, blah, blah, le b***** manager, f****** useless b*****!”’

Football considers Redknapp a ‘character’, which is a much kinder epithet than the real world might bestow. But then, in that real world an otherwise intelligent man like Steve Bruce might be reluctant to blame Sunderland’s recurring misfortune on ‘the media’.

Some of us find it difficult to keep a straight face when discussing Tony Pulis, of Stoke. It isn’t just the ugliness of the long throws — most commentators regularly assure that ‘there’s a lot more to Stoke than long throws’ — it’s the thought of Pulis leaping from his bath in order to butt his star striker. The story may have been exaggerated but the image is disturbing.

Which brings us to Sam Allardyce. ‘Personal criticism is not the road I go down,’ boomed the Blackburn manager last week.

This from the man who conceals his own cloddish deficiencies with bovine criticism of referees, who declares that Trevor Brooking has been given his senior FA coaching appointment because he has ‘a media-friendly face’ and who maintains a tedious campaign against Rafael Benitez, who not only produces superior football teams but speaks rather better English than the Blackburn bumbler.

It is said that Allardyce is still ambitious to become manager of England. Fabio Capello is not trembling in his shoes.

Now, none of this suggests that English managers are incapable of operating at the highest levels.

From Ramsey to Clough to Paisley to Robson, the precedents are illustrious and persuasive. Yet England is not producing its Ferguson or its Wenger. It cannot offer an O’Neill or a Moyes. Instead, it gives us Cockney caricatures and people who want the ball belted high, long and often.

There are those who contend that there is little wrong with English football which could not be cured by many more English managers.
Personally, I doubt they are right and I doubt that public opinion is with them. For they may offer Messrs Brown, Redknapp, Allardyce et al. But I shall cite the horrified ladies of the Hull Women’s Institute.
I rest my case.


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/article-1257765/Patrick-Collins-So-football-needs-English-managers-Tell-WI.html#ixzz0i8axaCAV