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Let's kick it off with some daftness from F365 
http://football365.com/story/0,17033,8751_5598060,00.html
Hurrah, it's Europa Cup night again!
Brilliant.
It's another chance to see Slovenian Cup runners-up Zzyvovivic FC play Updoopdedoop, who finished fifth in the Icelandic League of Homosexual Fisherman.
The Europa Cup is all new, all-singing, all-dancing and a bit complicated. So here are the ten basic rules you need to know...
1. Teams from every league in Europe are eligible but leagues based in countries where turnips are the main foodstuff must play three qualifying games.
2. Any country where sheep, tractors or cigarettes are worshipped as Gods are automatically disqualified, despite protests from the Scottish FA.
3. Winners of the third round of qualifying losers play the losers of the fourth round of disqualified qualifiers and must wear felt hats.
4. Losers from the newly-created Disqualified League Of Qualified Disqualifers will be disqualified and forced to play in a new qualification competition for a new League Of Qualification.
5. The League Of Qualification will be used by UEFA to create a co-efficient to decide the ratio of size of bribe to degree of success for clubs to follow.
6. The winners then get put into 12 leagues of a dozen teams. Each side plays each other ten times over a period of 13 years.
7. Two games in each league must be played underwater.
8. Monkeys on bikes will referee all games.
9. Away goals no longer count double. Instead they will be multiplied by a random number written on a pair of underpants and drawn out of a velvet bag by Kraftwerk.
10. The bottom club from each league drops out into a new UEFA League Of Decrepitude where they will have to play Hull City every week until someone dies.
John Nicholson
http://football365.com/story/0,17033,8751_5598060,00.html
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