The let's laugh at Tottenham thread.

Wenger joins in:

http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story?id=584115&sec=england&cc=4716

Some Spurs Jokes to brighten the day... Courtesy Guardian
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Haringey council has blocked Tottenham's plans to build a new ground on Northumberland Park. A town hall source said: "We don't mind having a funfair there once a year, but a circus every fortnight is a bit much."

"I was playing Scrabble and had enough letters to make 'Tottenham Hotspur Football Club'. I was gutted when I found out it was only worth two points."

Tesco are releasing new Oxo cubes in Spurs colours. Customers are told to look out for laughing stocks.

A young boy goes to social services and tells them he has nowhere to live. "What about your parents?" asks the social worker. "No, they beat me," says the boy. "What about your grandparents?" says the social worker. "No, they beat me even harder!" says the boy. "Well ... where do you want to stay then?" replies the social worker. "Tottenham," says the boy. "They don't beat anyone.

· What do a toothpick and Tottenham have in common? They both have two points

Juande Ramos, shortly after another training session, comments to the head groundsman at White Hart Lane how impressive the pitch is looking. "It ought to," replies the groundsman. "We put 70 million quid's worth of manure on it every week."

I just went down to the newsagents and bought Tottenham Hotspur magazine. Thank goodness they had porn mags to hide it in.

· What does a Spurs fan do after he sees his team win? Turns off the Xbox

After leaving San Siro, Jose Mourinho was asked if he was going to help Spurs get out of their slump. He turned around and said, "No way, I ain't that special".

Apparently the entire Tottenham squad have been busy honing their skills playing the computer game Championship Manager. Sadly it seems Juande misunderstood and thinks they want to play for a Championship manager.

Contrary to what you may think, Spurs are the strongest team in the league at the moment. Sure, aren't they holding everyone else up?

What do the Premier League and a cowboy have in common? They both have spurs at their feet.

A man was found dead floating in the Thames, wearing a blond wig, full make-up, bra, knickers, suspenders and a Spurs shirt. Before informing the next of kin the police removed the Spurs shirt to save the family embarrassment.

What would an improved version of Spurs be called? Newcastle United.

Did you hear that Juande Ramos was clocked doing 169mph on the M1 coming back from Stoke? Apparently he was just so desperate for three points.

· Is it just me or are Spurs the team to beat this season? Everyone's at it.

A man is sitting in a pub with his jack russell dog one Sunday afternoon. The football results are coming up on the television in the corner: "Stoke City 2, Tottenham Hotspur 1," reads the announcer. Suddenly the jack russell jumps up and shouts out, "Oh, no, not again." The shocked landlord says, "That's amazing. Why did he say that when it was announced that Tottenham lost?" "Because he's a Spurs supporter," the dog's owner replies. The landlord then asks what the dog says when Tottenham win a match, to which the man replies, "I don't know. I've only had him six months."

When a groggy Vedran Corluka regained consciousness in the ambulance leaving the Britannia Stadium on Sunday he asked medical staff who he was. On being told he played football for Tottenham Hotspur he lapsed into a coma.

All trains through White Hart Lane have been cancelled due to a massive points failure.

What's the difference between Juande Ramos and a cowboy? A cowboy wears Spurs on his boots whereas Ramos is a Cr@p manager.

What does THFC stand for? Tottenham Heading For the Championship.

A little boy gets £10 for his birthday and rushes down to the sports shop to buy the new football he has been desperate for. He gives the ball to the shopkeeper, who says, "Sorry, son, this ball is £20. You only have £10". The boy says, "OK, if you blindfold me and I can guess the name of the club on any ball, will you give it to me for £10?" He agrees and gives the boy an Arsenal ball. "I can hear cannons blasting, so it's an Arsenal ball." Next he gives him a Millwall ball: "I hear lions, so it's Millwall." Amazed, the shopkeeper says, "Get this and you can have it for nothing." The boy listens and says Spurs. The man asks if he's heard a cockerel. "No," says the boy. "It's going down."

What's the difference between Bigfoot and the Spurs defence? Bigfoot has been spotted several times.

Spurs have been forced to rename their ground "White Lane" because their "Hart" was surgically removed when Berbatov and Keane were sold.

Breaking news: Tottenham Hotspur have finally won a game. It was a friendly behind closed doors at non-league Walthamstow the other day. And if you don't believe us here is the proof. http://image.guardian.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2008/10/21/3.jpg

EMP wrote:But his point remains valid. it is absurd to judge Ramos yet, let alone Modric. Carlos Tevez took time to adapt to English football and ended up being a large part of keeping West Ham in EPL and getting a successful move to Manchester United. Javier Mascherano was hardly brilliant at West Ham, but became indispensable at Liverpool.

If managers and new players aren't given time you can get saddled with Ronald Koeman or worse still a combination of Juan Bautista Soler and Koeman. Those idiots wasted whole of last season. All they had to do was give Quique until end of season, but idiots sacked him with Valencia in Champions League place - ended up fighting off relegation - yeah I know we won the cup, but that was in spite of those idiots not because of them.

Ramos must be given until end of season at least and Modric as well. They'll bot come good is given time and support.

You do realize you're contradicting yourself here ?

Koeman wasn't given enough time either !

kas wrote:Wenger joins in:

http://soccernet.espn.go.com/news/story?id=584115&sec=england&cc=4716

Why does the wrinkly peado feel the need to comment on things that don't concern Him?

Comolli has been so $h!t that one wonders if he ISN'T on the arsenal Payroll.

at those jokes...The Mourinho one cracked me up .

This end is bound to end very soon. I just hope it's not in the derby next week Wednesday

what's the deal ?

will Spurs now sack Ramos ?

and who are the likely replacements ?

If he get's sacked, the Chairman and the Sporting Director must go as well.

Shouldn't we also open "The let's laugh at Gomes thread"?

Because Spurs can't get shat on anymore, eh?

I wonder who will win sooner...Feyenoord or Spurs...t'ese are sad times!!

Fey wrote:I wonder who will win sooner...Feyenoord or Spurs...t'ese are sad times!!

Well..its the Spurs!! Who would have thought that! Well done!

Don't know about the source, but...

"Government to bail out Tottenham Hotspur with emergency injection of 50 points

After continuing falls in the league position of Tottenham Hotspur, the government has announced that it is stepping in to prop up the ailing North London club with an emergency injection of fifty league points.

The club’s stock has fallen sharply since August with a negative goal difference increasing week on week. A number of competitors such as Hull City took points away from them, causing commentators to speculate that the club was wildly over-valued before the current crisis. BBC’s John Motson described the move as ‘perhaps the most extraordinary day in British football’ and an ‘absolute humiliation for Spurs, as if any more were possible.’

The injection of fifty points takes Tottenham Hotspur from the very bottom of the Premier League to the very top, where they are now 32 points clear of Chelsea on 52 points with only 7 games played. They are now well poised to become this year’s Premier League winners gaining automatic qualification for the Champions League. Other clubs have complained against what they claim is unfair treatment for one particular club and say the junior minister of sport who announced the injection of points is a well known Spurs supporter who has acted without any authority of consultation with government colleagues. The Junior Minister would not discuss this accusation at a press conference saying only ‘Shut it Gooner! We would have nationalized the North Bank if they hadn’t already flogged it off!’"

stinger wrote:Don't know about the source, but...

"Government to bail out Tottenham Hotspur with emergency injection of 50 points

After continuing falls in the league position of Tottenham Hotspur, the government has announced that it is stepping in to prop up the ailing North London club with an emergency injection of fifty league points.

The club’s stock has fallen sharply since August with a negative goal difference increasing week on week. A number of competitors such as Hull City took points away from them, causing commentators to speculate that the club was wildly over-valued before the current crisis. BBC’s John Motson described the move as ‘perhaps the most extraordinary day in British football’ and an ‘absolute humiliation for Spurs, as if any more were possible.’

The injection of fifty points takes Tottenham Hotspur from the very bottom of the Premier League to the very top, where they are now 32 points clear of Chelsea on 52 points with only 7 games played. They are now well poised to become this year’s Premier League winners gaining automatic qualification for the Champions League. Other clubs have complained against what they claim is unfair treatment for one particular club and say the junior minister of sport who announced the injection of points is a well known Spurs supporter who has acted without any authority of consultation with government colleagues. The Junior Minister would not discuss this accusation at a press conference saying only ‘Shut it Gooner! We would have nationalized the North Bank if they hadn’t already flogged it off!’"

Utter bullshine

Surely this one needs a festive bump?

2pts off bottom again

:harry:

Shows that Ramos wasn't exactly doing horrible. Apart from the honeymoon period that any new manager brings, Redknapp has done f@ck-all for Spurs.

kas wrote:Shows that Ramos wasn't exactly doing horrible..

Yes he was. No matter what way you look at it, he was doing horribly.

borocooper wrote:

kas wrote:Shows that Ramos wasn't exactly doing horrible..

Yes he was. No matter what way you look at it, he was doing horribly.

He had 2 points didn't he ?

Perhaps he would have had to get 0 for Kas to think he was doing badly

Axeslammer wrote:

EMP wrote:But his point remains valid. it is absurd to judge Ramos yet, let alone Modric. Carlos Tevez took time to adapt to English football and ended up being a large part of keeping West Ham in EPL and getting a successful move to Manchester United. Javier Mascherano was hardly brilliant at West Ham, but became indispensable at Liverpool.

If managers and new players aren't given time you can get saddled with Ronald Koeman or worse still a combination of Juan Bautista Soler and Koeman. Those idiots wasted whole of last season. All they had to do was give Quique until end of season, but idiots sacked him with Valencia in Champions League place - ended up fighting off relegation - yeah I know we won the cup, but that was in spite of those idiots not because of them.

Ramos must be given until end of season at least and Modric as well. They'll bot come good is given time and support.

You do realize you're contradicting yourself here ?

Koeman wasn't given enough time either !

Nice try but Koeman wasn't there for football reasons. He had plenty of time to do the hatchet job that he was hired to. It was Quique who wasn't given enough time to deliver on the pitch. He was fired at the wrong time. It was a travesty - worse even than the decision to hire Koeman.

Like I said WAAAAAAY back in the summer, we fucked about and missed the boat for being a serious side in this league, and it'll take us a while to rebuild. I just want 'arry to consolidate our position in lower midtable this season, and hope for better in the summer. It's about the best we can hope for.

You've been warned 'baser - a couple of wrong moves and you could end up like us.

I think they've already been you havent they? When Deadly Doug was still around..

borocooper wrote:I think they've already been you havent they? When Deadly Doug was still around..

When Deadly Doug was around they were runners-up once upon a time.

O'Neill is very good, but like 'arry, he is a bit overrated.

Yeah..that proves my point surely? They've already been there and done it. They were high flying at one point then under that same ownership went to shit and it took a complete overhaul to save them.

They've brought in a new owner and a great manager and now they're flying again. I dont think O'neill is really overrated, I keep reading that and wondering what he has to do. Sure he's never done it at a huge club, but I bet he's on a list of managers to take over from Fergie when he the Drunk eventually dies. Wherever he's been though, he's been a success.

O'Neill is so overrate I often wonder if anyone actually bothers to check that he really exists. He's become a legend, a myth, a fairytale and a Chinese whisper, exaggerated and embellished by drunks, tramps and queers.

That said he is doing a tremendous job at Villa.

Sppppppppppppppppppuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurs

borocooper wrote:I think they've already been you havent they? When Deadly Doug was still around..

People perhaps forget O'Leary took us to 16th and for the following season we were everyone's favourites for the drop (player mutinies, shit manager, shit owner, no money, etc.). This after being a mainstay in the top 6 for much of the 90s.

Of course, along came Randy Lerner and Martin O'Neill to save the day

debaubler wrote:

borocooper wrote:I think they've already been you havent they? When Deadly Doug was still around..

People perhaps forget O'Leary took us to 16th and for the following season we were everyone's favourites for the drop (player mutinies, shit manager, shit owner, no money, etc.). This after being a mainstay in the top 6 for much of the 90s.

Of course, along came Randy Lerner and Martin O'Neill to save the day

Didn't O'Leary finish 6th in his 1st season - when Angel got 20+ goals?

All the Villa fans I know always forget that one.

kas wrote:Shows that Ramos wasn't exactly doing horrible. Apart from the honeymoon period that any new manager brings, Redknapp has done f@ck-all for Spurs.

Yep - semi final of the Carling Cup,

into the last 32 in the UEFA cup,

won 9 of his first 12 games in charge.

f@ck all indeed

The current problems are a lack of striking options - not really his fault. And a lack of discipline with our defenders. Ekotto getting sent off this weekend was criminal.

Harry has done as good a job that could have been expected. The January window is where we'll see what he can do.

The HuddFather wrote:

debaubler wrote:

borocooper wrote:I think they've already been you havent they? When Deadly Doug was still around..

People perhaps forget O'Leary took us to 16th and for the following season we were everyone's favourites for the drop (player mutinies, shit manager, shit owner, no money, etc.). This after being a mainstay in the top 6 for much of the 90s.

Of course, along came Randy Lerner and Martin O'Neill to save the day

Didn't O'Leary finish 6th in his 1st season - when Angel got 20+ goals?

All the Villa fans I know always forget that one.

Yes, and then they went to shit.

Thus proving the Aston Villa: The O'Leary Years = Spurs Current theory.