Lehmann REVEALS ALL

debaser wrote:c)

not ONE word they spoke with him in English or any other language

Jens subsequently GOT the message that this was the FRENCH table and NEVER sat down at it AGAIN

bunch of Frankophone TOSSERS, me thinks

Arshavin said the same in the past: that he had to learn French FIRST, before learning English , to survive at Arsenal

anyway

Jens then quickly found a NEW table

2. who were his TWO BEST TABLE BUDDIES at the time ?

I still reckon Henry would have been a friendlier exception to the others.

Uncle Sol and Gilberto.

Allez les rouges wrote:I still reckon Henry would have been a friendlier exception to the others.

Uncle Sol and Gilberto.

wrong and wrong

Dennis the Menace and the Swedish underwear model



Jens describes Henry as quite the DIVA

he was GOD on the pitch and in the lockerroom

but Jens was having NONE of it



3. how did Mad Jens teach Henry during training to get his act together and stop being such a DIVA ?!

+

4. which young player went through the biggest transformation at Arsenal during Jens' time : from shy kid who could barely create eyecontact in the lift to little primadonna ?

3) Did a Schumacher-1982 on him.

4) Clichy.

Fuck, they were my possibilities 3 & 4.

3. Um, he gave him a shouting lecture about his duties and responsibilities

4. Cesc

3. Henry would just hit those speculative long-distance shots in training and expect the goalie to fetch the ball

Jens then told the diva he had to GET THE BALLS HIMSELF

4. indeed: Cesc became quite the diva as well , according to Jens

Allez les rouges wrote:Yeah but Otto loves his shit on a stick, you know that by now.

.

well

so does our good old JENS

whereas he bemoans the lack of TECHNICAL and tactical aspects in the BUndesliga

and is quite scathing about some of the coaching

Jens is THE leading advocate of FIGHTING, KÄMPFEN , "an die eigenen Stärken glauben"...

--------------

little quiz question

AFTER the win over Argentina in the 2006 World Cup

the players were celebrating in the locker-room

they were signing one song in particular: which one was it, and why did they sing it ?

a) "we are the ChAMPIONS"

b) "Dieser Weg"

c) Viva Colonia

?

Dieser Weg was the team song at that World Cup, DJs Asamoah/Odonkor and all the rest of it, is this a trick question?

no trick question

which one of the three were the players singing after the game and, take a guess, WHY ?

by the way, allez, you HAVE to buy Jens' autobiography

(should be out soon on paperback)

as a Jens, Arsenal, Mannschaft FAN , THAT book is the BIBLE



so many wonderful anecdotes, you don't know where to start quoting

I might regale you with a few tales a bit later

like when Jens' wife Connie asks Gerhard Schröder

"my husband wants to become Bundeskanzler one day. What does he have to do to achieve that?"

Schröder: " Well, first of all you have to be GOOD-LOOKING

Then you have to join the right party, but that can be arranged

You also need a good , SHORT family name. That's a bit more tricky for you"

wtf

also

Jens took GREAT PRIDE in signing the NATIONAL anthem, it really meant a great deal to him

during the 2006 World Cup

he would always sing the ANTHEM looking at the VIP section

more specifically, at the woman in the colourful jacket

ie

Angela Merkel

THINKING to himself

"sie ist die Personifizierung des Vaterlandes"



Jens is such a LEGEND it's unreal



he also thinks Wiese is compeltely useless as a goalie



and Franz Beckenbauer is almost always right

So I dare say the Merkel/Wiese remarks met with rather less Ottovian approval

If in doubt, remember der JENS is always right

I promise to get this one soon and compare notes.

Still puzzled on the song. Queen is rubbish, Viva Colonia sounds a bit random, why would they abandon their usual choon?

Allez les rouges wrote:So I dare say the Merkel/Wiese remarks met with rather less Ottovian approval

Jens REALLY does have his AGENDAS

so really, he's made of the same stuff as you and blut



the WHOLE book is full of DIGS at Kahn in particular

at times, it's getting silly

he also hates Wiese, as far as I can see, because the Bremer sided with Kahn when the latter was fighting it out with Mad Jens

he also had his problems with Weidenfeller, the number two at Dortmund, when Jens was there as well

Weidenfeller annoyed the hell out of Jens by endlessly claiming he was the number one




in the end , Jens started a psycho war and simply refused to say a single word to Roman for 3/4 of a year

the two have made up though , and at the time of publication, sometime in 2010, he rated Weidenfeller on the same level as the other German goalies



although, again

could be agendas

----------------

as for the song

post-Argentina, the players were celebrating in the locker-room, when suddenly POLDI climbed up on one of them benches

switched his I-Pod on

and played "Viva Colonia", the "national anthem of his beloved Cologne"

so all of the others, including Klinsi, Bierhoff and a bemused Lehmann

joined in and sang

"Wir lieben das Leben, die Liebe und die Lust

wir glauben an den lieben Gott und han auch immer Durst

Da simmer dabei !

Dat ist prima"



Poldi would then go on to play this song in the bus as well and the others would join in

-----------

BEFORE the Argentina game, Jens had a telephone conversation with his wife

the MAD boy was VERY meticulous about going to bed at a FIXED time, and always did certain VISUALISATION exercises, meditation...

his wife though, NOW wanted to talk about "Erziehungsfragen"

Jens told her, THIS was not the right moment, the game "tomorrow" was more important

his wife though insisted and just went on (presumably, she had just read a book about raising "kleine Tyrannen" )

Jens then told her

"Du musst das zurückstellen. Ich muss jetzt schlafen -

für DEUTSCHLAND"



----------

concerning the penalty shoot-out against Argentina

Jens says

"...Jetzt kommt Boro ( Borowski). .... Während ich wieder den Zettel konsultiere, verwandelt er eiskalt halbhoch.

< Fantastisch, Männer !> denke ich.

< Auf uns DEUTSCHE ist VERLASS ! >



fuck

Jens HAS to become Reichskanzler

I don't care for which party

hell

I would even vote for him , if he was running on a GREEN ticket

FINISH HIM Olli...



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMX080tRcCY



Kahn

this is an account of JENS meeting HER MAJESTY:

""""

when Arsenal became UNBEATEN Champs and had just reached the CL FINAL

HRH, the QUEEN herself, wanted to meet the players

just like schoolboys, they would line up, Jens tells us

the Arsenal captain then introduced every player by name and nationality

the THREE players in front of Mad Jens were ALL BRAZILIANS

after HRH had heard "from Brazil" for the THIRD TIME, she asked, tentatively

"Are there any ENGLISH ?! "

( )

Then it was Jens' turn

"YOU are NOT from Brazil", the Queen said

Mad Jens: "NO, from GERMANY"

"Aaaaah , Germany", the Queen replied, in a manner which seemed to reflect the entire Anglo-German history of the last 70 years

( )

< When I finally shock her hand, I realised with HUMILITY that I was only a handshake away from Winston Churchill, but also Roosevelt, Kennedy, Nixon, Carter...

It was as if one was shaking the hand of the "personification of HISTORY >



what a LEGEND, our Jens

I wonder what ZEROoney was thinking when HE was shaking her Majesty's hand ??!

Ä wrote:when Arsenal became UNBEATEN Champs and had just reached the CL FINAL

These eVEnts are TWO yeARS apart

Anyway you are seriously getting close to spoiling it for me.

ah come on, allez

I am just warming up

the book has just fallen back into my hands by conincidence

and I just realised that I merely skimmed through it the first time

reading it properly now, it just becomes clear how full of GOODIES it is

and frankly, I am in a sharing mood



there are quite a few passages in the book which you will LIKE

he seems to agree with Lahm, for instance, that a team no longer needs Schreihälse, even if , mysteriously, THAT is exactly what HE was himself

BUT

there are so many sections in the book that YOU and blut would NOT like, that I almost feel the book should come with a HEALTH-WARNING for you



he is a firm believer in HIERARCHIES

WINNING AT ALL COSTS (forget about flair)

thinks Peter Neururer is a great coach

thinks of Lattek as being a LEGEND

and has NO time whatsoever for people who do not aim for the number ONE spot

he is just baffled by Zwanziger's Olympic spirit

anyway, in many ways, good old Jens seems to be a cross of Sammer, Magath, Daum but also WENGER and Klinsi



ie

just as CONFUSED as YOU are



on the plus side, for YOU as an Arsenal fan

Jens has good news

he rates the Arsenal of Summer 2006 HIGHER than the Nationalmannschaft of the same period

Is he also a closet Nazi?

Fenomeno wrote:Is he also a closet Nazi?

why would he be a Nazi ?

no

he is merely a FEROCIOUS competitor

who admits that he NEEDS pressure and CONFRONTATION to thrive

he kind of indicates that this attitude stems from his childhood

that NOTHING just fell into his lap, that he always had to OVERCOME obstacles to achieve his goals

first, his parents were strongly against him becoming a footballer

as a kid, he always felt the other boys were richer and cooler

he even claims none of the girls were interested in him

and so it continues

so, his mental programme seems to be

"you have to overcome massive obstacles to achieve your goals"

Wenger benching him when he was at his peak, or his FIGHT against Kahn in the Mannschaft fit the bill

hence, his rather Darwinian attitude

his current football philosophy is rather "modern" though, very Wengerian

cannot wait for the Lemon to become a manager himself

will be VERY interesting

ok,

so THIS is from "Die Bibel"

let's kick it off with an appetizer for our Jens' fans : blut and allez

""

Football teams have CLEAR HIERARCHIES.

They are structured like a PACK OF WOLVES.

The LEADER has to FIGHT for his position EVERY day.

His CHALLENGER (the second in command) will NOT hesitate to ATTACK him should he show only the slightest of weaknesses

""



flat-hierarchies, my arse

Damn otto, reading that makes me want to work out for an hour and just sit here, sweating, being my masculine self.

Sounds like a Napola educational guide actually...

something for the Arsenal fans on here

Wenger once told Mad Jens with regards to their FA Cup Win

through PENALTIES

" THAT victory , I never really enjoyed"



Wenger was such a PURIST, that "winning UGLY" meant almost nothing to him, even if Silverware was the result of it

Jens was suitably SHOCKED

Jens now looks likely to replace NEUER

as the NEW Schalke keeper



Heldt wants an EXPERIENCED keeper to replace Neuer, and Fährmann already says he would be willing to LEARN



WHAT A LEGEND our Jens is

at the age of 41, he could get back into the ring

spox

11.25 Uhr: Das wäre ein Hammer! Nach Informationen der "Bild" bestehen gute Chancen, dass Jens Lehmann im Falle eines Wechsels auch gleich Stammtorhüter beim FC Schalke 04 wird. S04-Manager Horst Heldt sagte dem Blatt: "Ich habe nie einen Hehl daraus gemacht, dass wir bei einem Verkauf von Manuel Neuer eventuell einen erfahrenen Torwart holen. Das weiß auch Ralf Fährmann, der nicht automatisch gesetzt ist. Erst in der Vorbereitung entscheidet sich, wer die Neuer-Lücke schließt und die neue Nummer eins wird." Fährmann gibt sich diplomatisch: "Ich wusste zu jeder Zeit, dass es die Möglichkeit mit Jens Lehmann geben könnte. Das würde Sinn machen - ich hätte kein Problem damit. Im Gegenteil: Von einem Jens Lehmann könnte ich jeden Tag lernen.

Seems like your 'legend' Jens is too greedy even for the Schalke bosses: He demands €4m plus bonuses for a year of service...

http://sportbild.bild.de/SPORT/bundesliga/vereine/fc-schalke-04/2011/06/08/lehmann-fordert-vier-millionen-gehalt/schalke-plant-neuer-nachfolge-schober-bleibt.html

That's why it's more likely that he will remain your favourite football pensioner.