Home
Lille take complaint to the top
From www.PlanetFootball.com
Lille Olympique Sporting Club Métropole announced today that they are going over UEFA’s heads, and taking their complaint over Manchester United’s controversial Champions’ League winner to a higher authority: God.
“Fuck UEFA, fuck FIFA, fuck the EU, fuck the UN,” said chairman Michel Seydoux to French sports website Le Coq Spastique. "We’re very upset. We're taking this straight to the Big Guy."
A spokesman for the Creator of heaven and earth, Peter, said, "The Boss has no specific comment at this early stage, but yes he has seen the incident - in fact, he foresaw it thirty billion years ago, when he set the whole thing in motion, for no obvious reason. So he's had plenty of time to mull it over".
“We're hopeful," said manager Claude Puel, a noted cretin. "He’s apparently intervened before in cases of manifest injustice, although not for some time.”
In 5000 BC, God personally saved small businessman Noah, along with a veritable menagerie of animals, from a deadly flood, in recognition of his virtue.
“It was unbelievable,” said eyewitness Frank Lampard, “The animals sort of went in two by two, definitely, for to get out of, like, the rain. Unbelievable really. Definitely.”
Then, some years later, His Divine Holiness stepped in again, going on a series of homicidal rampages against hated rivals the Egyptians, culminating in the parting of the Red Sea, an event unparalleled until the actions of the Reading defence in the first six minutes of an FA Cup replay in 2007.
Ironically, United Supremo Alex Ferguson, now at the centre of the Lille storm, commented, “Justice was done, there’s no doubt about that. The pharaoh got what was coming to him, no question. Oh, there’s no doubt about that.”
However, the Supreme Being has not been without his critics. In the twentieth century, for instance, many claim he “just sort of sat there” as over thirty genocides took place, resulting in the deaths of over a hundred million innocent people. “Everybody makes mistakes,” said God’s agent, Pini Zahavi. “You know, he’s a busy Man. He can’t be everywhere at once, and He’s never claimed to be infallible.”
Lille are not due to hear back from the Court On high until Judgement Day at the earliest, and are absurd, desperate sons of bitches.
From www.PlanetFootball.com
Lille Olympique Sporting Club Métropole announced today that they are going over UEFA’s heads, and taking their complaint over Manchester United’s controversial Champions’ League winner to a higher authority: God.
“Fuck UEFA, fuck FIFA, fuck the EU, fuck the UN,” said chairman Michel Seydoux to French sports website Le Coq Spastique. "We’re very upset. We're taking this straight to the Big Guy."
A spokesman for the Creator of heaven and earth, Peter, said, "The Boss has no specific comment at this early stage, but yes he has seen the incident - in fact, he foresaw it thirty billion years ago, when he set the whole thing in motion, for no obvious reason. So he's had plenty of time to mull it over".
“We're hopeful," said manager Claude Puel, a noted cretin. "He’s apparently intervened before in cases of manifest injustice, although not for some time.”
In 5000 BC, God personally saved small businessman Noah, along with a veritable menagerie of animals, from a deadly flood, in recognition of his virtue.
“It was unbelievable,” said eyewitness Frank Lampard, “The animals sort of went in two by two, definitely, for to get out of, like, the rain. Unbelievable really. Definitely.”
Then, some years later, His Divine Holiness stepped in again, going on a series of homicidal rampages against hated rivals the Egyptians, culminating in the parting of the Red Sea, an event unparalleled until the actions of the Reading defence in the first six minutes of an FA Cup replay in 2007.
Ironically, United Supremo Alex Ferguson, now at the centre of the Lille storm, commented, “Justice was done, there’s no doubt about that. The pharaoh got what was coming to him, no question. Oh, there’s no doubt about that.”
However, the Supreme Being has not been without his critics. In the twentieth century, for instance, many claim he “just sort of sat there” as over thirty genocides took place, resulting in the deaths of over a hundred million innocent people. “Everybody makes mistakes,” said God’s agent, Pini Zahavi. “You know, he’s a busy Man. He can’t be everywhere at once, and He’s never claimed to be infallible.”
Lille are not due to hear back from the Court On high until Judgement Day at the earliest, and are absurd, desperate sons of bitches.
