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From the Times:
Brainiest:
1. Steve Palmer
It's hard to top the academic achievements of Mr Palmer, the former Watford and Ipswich defender, who can boast to be the only professional footballer in the modern era to have gained a degree from Cambridge University. It may be in software engineering, but impressive none the less, and extremely useful when the kids' PlayStation goes on the blink.
2. Shaka Hislop
The former West Ham United goalkeeper is right up there in the ranks of football's brainiest men. Not only did he graduate from Howard University in Washington DC with an honours degree in mechanical engineering, but he was also an intern at NASA.
3. Iain Dowie
Some would say that managing a football team is not rocket science, but Dowie probably wishes it was. He may have been sacked by a string of football clubs but before that Dowie graduated with a master's degree in engineering from Southampton University. He also worked for British Aerospace while playing for non-league Cheshunt.
4. Steve Heighway
The 1970s was a time when footballers were footballers and men were men. So that makes Steve Heighway's degree in economics from Warwick University even more impressive.
5. Socrates
Shares his name with a Greek philosopher and the comparisons don’t end there. As if captaining one of the most entertaining Brazil sides of all time wasn’t enough, Socrates also completed doctorates in medicine and philosophy.
6. Frank Lampard
The former pupil at Essex public school Brentwood was more than just a whizz on the football pitch during his formative years. The England midfielder walked away from school with 11 GCSEs, including an A-star in Latin.
7. Arjan de Zeeuw
The former Wigan and Portsmouth defender is no slouch when it comes to mind games. He has a degree in medical science and is planning to go into sports medicine when his football career is over.
8. Slaven Bilic
The former West Ham defender has got his Croatia side out of jail once or twice and it seems he has all the qualifications to do just that. Bilic has a law degree and is reportedly a fan of reading American psychology books in his spare time.
9. David Wetherall
The former Bradford and Leeds United defender boasts four A grades at A-level as well as a first-class degree in chemistry from Sheffield University. Bradford supporters acknowledged his brain power during a game against Rochdale last March by turning up wearing lab coats.
10. Brian McClair
The former Manchester United striker has a degree in mathematics from the University of Glasgow.
Thickest:
10. Ian Rush. The Liverpool legend had no problem finding the back of the net but his geography skills were somewhat lacking. Rush came out with this little gem after his brief sojourn with Juventus: "I couldn't settle in Italy. It was like living in a foreign country."
9. Stephen Ireland. The Manchester City midfielder was embroiled in a deception of Columbo proportions when on duty with the Republic of Ireland. Steve Staunton, the coach, received a phone call from Ireland's girlfriend telling him that his maternal grandmother had died. Ireland found out that this was in fact a lie, told so that he could be excused from the game. He opted to run with the fib and Staunton released him on compassionate leave, even chartering a private jet to fly him home. A bit of digging from a journalist revealed Ireland's grandmother was not dead, so Ireland changed his tune, saying it was his paternal grandmother who had passed on. Now smelling a rather fat rat, reporters soon discovered that she too was still alive. Ireland backtracked again, saying that one of his grandfathers had divorced and it was his second wife who had died. Yet again, it was uncovered to be a lie. Finally, Ireland came clean and revealed that he had wanted to leave the team's camp to be with his girlfriend, who had suffered a miscarriage. He makes the list also for showing his Superman pants after scoring a goal.
8. David Beckham. He's a media darling now who always manages to put his foot on the ball rather than in his mouth. But back in the old days he was prone to the odd gaffe, such as this one regarding his son: "I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet."
7. Masal Bugduv. The Moldovan starlet made it into Times Online's Top 50 footballers to watch out for in 2009 but did not have the courtesy to come to the awards do. Not even a phone call. As far as we're concerned, he no longer exists.
6. Jason McAteer. Known within the football fraternity as Trigger, after the gormless character in Only Fools and Horses. Amongst the many quotes of his we could have used is this beauty: "I once bought a pizza and was asked if I wanted it sliced into four or eight. I said just four because I couldn't manage eight slices."
5. Shola Ameobi. The Newcastle striker was in a state of panic when he found his house ransacked with several items missing, most notably his chequebook, so he called the police to report a robbery. Embarrassed, he called them back an hour later to say that he had found everything and in fact his house was just messy after a party.
4. Tony Adams. Wembley stadium, League Cup final, 1993. Steve Morrow scores the winner for Arsenal against Sheffield Wednesday, the whistle blows and Adams lifts the goalscoring hero above his head in celebration. Then he drops him. Morrow breaks his collarbone, is rushed to hospital and misses the trophy presentation.
3. Alan Wright. Aston Villa's diminutive former full back fancied a few of the trappings of a top-flight footballer so he bought a Ferrari. Alas, his legs were too short to reach the accelerator properly and he needed treatment for a knee strain. He traded it in for a Rover 416.
2. Richard Wright. The former Everton keeper hurt himself during the warm-up for an FA Cup tie against Chelsea. He tripped over a sign in the goalmouth that read: "Not in use. please practise in the temporary goalmouth". Watch the incident here.
1. Phil Neville. While at Manchester United, Neville agreed to be filmed playing the "Yes-No" game. A decision he no doubt regrets. Watch it below.
Brainiest:
1. Steve Palmer
It's hard to top the academic achievements of Mr Palmer, the former Watford and Ipswich defender, who can boast to be the only professional footballer in the modern era to have gained a degree from Cambridge University. It may be in software engineering, but impressive none the less, and extremely useful when the kids' PlayStation goes on the blink.
2. Shaka Hislop
The former West Ham United goalkeeper is right up there in the ranks of football's brainiest men. Not only did he graduate from Howard University in Washington DC with an honours degree in mechanical engineering, but he was also an intern at NASA.
3. Iain Dowie
Some would say that managing a football team is not rocket science, but Dowie probably wishes it was. He may have been sacked by a string of football clubs but before that Dowie graduated with a master's degree in engineering from Southampton University. He also worked for British Aerospace while playing for non-league Cheshunt.
4. Steve Heighway
The 1970s was a time when footballers were footballers and men were men. So that makes Steve Heighway's degree in economics from Warwick University even more impressive.
5. Socrates
Shares his name with a Greek philosopher and the comparisons don’t end there. As if captaining one of the most entertaining Brazil sides of all time wasn’t enough, Socrates also completed doctorates in medicine and philosophy.
6. Frank Lampard
The former pupil at Essex public school Brentwood was more than just a whizz on the football pitch during his formative years. The England midfielder walked away from school with 11 GCSEs, including an A-star in Latin.
7. Arjan de Zeeuw
The former Wigan and Portsmouth defender is no slouch when it comes to mind games. He has a degree in medical science and is planning to go into sports medicine when his football career is over.
8. Slaven Bilic
The former West Ham defender has got his Croatia side out of jail once or twice and it seems he has all the qualifications to do just that. Bilic has a law degree and is reportedly a fan of reading American psychology books in his spare time.
9. David Wetherall
The former Bradford and Leeds United defender boasts four A grades at A-level as well as a first-class degree in chemistry from Sheffield University. Bradford supporters acknowledged his brain power during a game against Rochdale last March by turning up wearing lab coats.
10. Brian McClair
The former Manchester United striker has a degree in mathematics from the University of Glasgow.
Thickest:
10. Ian Rush. The Liverpool legend had no problem finding the back of the net but his geography skills were somewhat lacking. Rush came out with this little gem after his brief sojourn with Juventus: "I couldn't settle in Italy. It was like living in a foreign country."
9. Stephen Ireland. The Manchester City midfielder was embroiled in a deception of Columbo proportions when on duty with the Republic of Ireland. Steve Staunton, the coach, received a phone call from Ireland's girlfriend telling him that his maternal grandmother had died. Ireland found out that this was in fact a lie, told so that he could be excused from the game. He opted to run with the fib and Staunton released him on compassionate leave, even chartering a private jet to fly him home. A bit of digging from a journalist revealed Ireland's grandmother was not dead, so Ireland changed his tune, saying it was his paternal grandmother who had passed on. Now smelling a rather fat rat, reporters soon discovered that she too was still alive. Ireland backtracked again, saying that one of his grandfathers had divorced and it was his second wife who had died. Yet again, it was uncovered to be a lie. Finally, Ireland came clean and revealed that he had wanted to leave the team's camp to be with his girlfriend, who had suffered a miscarriage. He makes the list also for showing his Superman pants after scoring a goal.
8. David Beckham. He's a media darling now who always manages to put his foot on the ball rather than in his mouth. But back in the old days he was prone to the odd gaffe, such as this one regarding his son: "I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet."
7. Masal Bugduv. The Moldovan starlet made it into Times Online's Top 50 footballers to watch out for in 2009 but did not have the courtesy to come to the awards do. Not even a phone call. As far as we're concerned, he no longer exists.
6. Jason McAteer. Known within the football fraternity as Trigger, after the gormless character in Only Fools and Horses. Amongst the many quotes of his we could have used is this beauty: "I once bought a pizza and was asked if I wanted it sliced into four or eight. I said just four because I couldn't manage eight slices."
5. Shola Ameobi. The Newcastle striker was in a state of panic when he found his house ransacked with several items missing, most notably his chequebook, so he called the police to report a robbery. Embarrassed, he called them back an hour later to say that he had found everything and in fact his house was just messy after a party.
4. Tony Adams. Wembley stadium, League Cup final, 1993. Steve Morrow scores the winner for Arsenal against Sheffield Wednesday, the whistle blows and Adams lifts the goalscoring hero above his head in celebration. Then he drops him. Morrow breaks his collarbone, is rushed to hospital and misses the trophy presentation.
3. Alan Wright. Aston Villa's diminutive former full back fancied a few of the trappings of a top-flight footballer so he bought a Ferrari. Alas, his legs were too short to reach the accelerator properly and he needed treatment for a knee strain. He traded it in for a Rover 416.
2. Richard Wright. The former Everton keeper hurt himself during the warm-up for an FA Cup tie against Chelsea. He tripped over a sign in the goalmouth that read: "Not in use. please practise in the temporary goalmouth". Watch the incident here.
1. Phil Neville. While at Manchester United, Neville agreed to be filmed playing the "Yes-No" game. A decision he no doubt regrets. Watch it below.
