Past Predictions, a Coronation and a Better World

Dear Friends,

the end of year is approaching fast and most of the Europeanboard members will be wondering how they have done with so many of their predictions. With multiple channel global football coverage at our fingertips, endless experts whistling into our ears from the hallowed heights of the BBC , the ARD, Canal +, Sky..., fellow fans from all over the world instructing us on the latest developments in their countries, surely we are the most insightful generation of football fans EVER

just take a quick look at my humble attempts to read the future over the last 18 months; these were PREDICTIONS

Klose to be World Cup Top Scorer / Germany vs Italy to be MATCH OF THE CUP = the real final (the top favourites) / the GIANT, MONSTER , PRINZ , ONE "Excitement" / Brazil NOT to win the World Cup / Argentina NOT to win the WC after the master class vs. S-M / the MYTH of the Colour ORANGE / van Basten NOT as good as often suggested / DIDI to be the KEY in the Liverpool vs. Milan game / ZLATAN = CRAP / Adriano, R.Carlos hopelessly overhyped / England not even in the TOP 20; NO chance of lifting the Cup; ALL English players brutally overrated / Owen Hargreaves HAS to be the DMC : top player / Ballack does not fit Chelsea / "you can only win the WC with a solid defense: Klinsi's style will cost us the win / Bremen are a SERIOUS player in the CL ........ / Wenger . Benitez , Mourinho : overrated / and endless others

at the beginning of this season I would have told you : Berbatov will take the EPL by storm / Sheva will not hit 20 in the EPL / German enthusiasm for Klinsi will cool within 6 months ...., but did not when seeing that Klose was not even considered to be world class in a poll on here (post WC) : why bother, I thought


many of those predictions had nothing to do with Germany, and therefore were not merely influenced by an exaggerated surge of patriotism; they were probably down to sheer luck after luck after luck after luck after luck ....; a bit like Benitez lifting his Silverware

since LUCK is a precious attribute at any time , I believe it would be most selfish to keep it all to myself. Yes, you guessed it, I am going to SHARE MY LUCK WITH YOU

think 18/19 th century; think Napoleon; think " de haut , en bas": yup, that's it

I am going to crown myself EMPEROR of the Europeanboard

any objections ??? I did not think so

But don't worry , my dear subjects all over the world. I will be a BENEVOLENT RULER

in fact , since this world needs a firm hand as soon as possible, I will start to impose my rule IMMEDIATELY

These are the first IMPERIAL DECREES to be implemented with IMMEDIATE EFFECT:

1. from now on Holland will wear the Colour GREY; Brazil will wear PINK

2. Adidas and Puma will become the only sports manufacturers in the world; production will be moved into the sweatshops of England

3. to deny that Germany are the most romantic football side in the world will become punishable by Liverpool vs Chelsea

4. EVERY first league European footballer HAS to drive a VW Polo and spend 50% of his spare-time on football Development Aid in England

5. every game will start and finish with PENALTIES, which make up 30% of the final score

6. Seria A / La Liga and the EPL will only get 2 CL spots; the Bundesliga , the Eredivisie and the US "Soccer" League will get 3 each

7. the distribution of Pies will be made illegal in London, particularly around King's Road

8. professional football pundits the world over will get one toe chopped off when they get a prediction wrong

9. Seria A will be administered and policed by the German military / judicial system

10. the world "Soccer" will become illegal

11. ticket prices may not exceed 10 Euro and will include a free beer and sausage

12. Pele, Netzer, Hoeness, Rummenigge, Shearer, Hansen and Cruyff will be thrown into a top secret dungeon ; never to be released

13. every time the MONSTER or the PRINZ score I will release white pigeons from the town square of a World Capital

14. every member of the Europeanboard will receive a Xmas Stollen

15. every TRUE football fan has the right to a nubile blonde haired, blue eyed German maiden who understands the off-side rule

now you see, living under a benign German despot isn't too bad after all, right ?

This one's genuinely funny rather than just a windup

@ kas

don't laugh too fast

further decrees would force Barca/ Real / Juve / Inter / Milan to feature at least three German players at any time during a match

in return, the film Jamon, Jamon would become obligatory in every school, at about the age of 10

Didn't mean that in a windup way, I actually found your decrees amusing.

1. from now on Holland will wear the Colour GREY; Brazil will wear PINK

2. Adidas and Puma will become the only sports manufacturers in the world; production will be moved into the sweatshops of England

3. to deny that Germany are the most romantic football side in the world will become punishable by Liverpool vs Chelsea

4. EVERY first league European footballer HAS to drive a VW Polo and spend 50% of his spare-time on football Development Aid in England

5. every game will start and finish with PENALTIES, which make up 30% of the final score

6. Seria A / La Liga and the EPL will only get 2 CL spots; the Bundesliga , the Eredivisie and the US "Soccer" League will get 3 each

7. the distribution of Pies will be made illegal in London, particularly around King's Road

8. professional football pundits the world over will get one toe chopped off when they get a prediction wrong

9. Seria A will be administered and policed by the German military / judicial system

10. the world "Soccer" will become illegal

11. ticket prices may not exceed 10 Euro and will include a free beer and sausage

12. Pele, Netzer, Hoeness, Rummenigge, Shearer, Hansen and Cruyff will be thrown into a top secret dungeon ; never to be released

13. every time the MONSTER or the PRINZ score I will release white pigeons from the town square of a World Capital

14. every member of the Europeanboard will receive a Xmas Stollen

15. every TRUE football fan has the right to a nubile blonde haired, blue eyed German maiden who understands the off-side rule

Overall,
Otto, maybe you could focus your attention on solving Portugal's football problems.

otto: Albion's No 1 fan wrote:Dear Friends,

the end of year is approaching fast and most of the Europeanboard members will be wondering how they have done with so many of their predictions. With multiple channel global football coverage at our fingertips, endless experts whistling into our ears from the hallowed heights of the BBC , the ARD, Canal +, Sky..., fellow fans from all over the world instructing us on the latest developments in their countries, surely we are the most insightful generation of football fans EVER

just take a quick look at my humble attempts to read the future over the last 18 months; these were PREDICTIONS

Klose to be World Cup Top Scorer / Germany vs Italy to be MATCH OF THE CUP = the real final (the top favourites) / the GIANT, MONSTER , PRINZ , ONE "Excitement" / Brazil NOT to win the World Cup / Argentina NOT to win the WC after the master class vs. S-M / the MYTH of the Colour ORANGE / van Basten NOT as good as often suggested / DIDI to be the KEY in the Liverpool vs. Milan game / ZLATAN = CRAP / Adriano, R.Carlos hopelessly overhyped / England not even in the TOP 20; NO chance of lifting the Cup; ALL English players brutally overrated / Owen Hargreaves HAS to be the DMC : top player / Ballack does not fit Chelsea / "you can only win the WC with a solid defense: Klinsi's style will cost us the win / Bremen are a SERIOUS player in the CL ........ / Wenger . Benitez , Mourinho : overrated / and endless others

at the beginning of this season I would have told you : Berbatov will take the EPL by storm / Sheva will not hit 20 in the EPL / German enthusiasm for Klinsi will cool within 6 months ...., but did not when seeing that Klose was not even considered to be world class in a poll on here (post WC) : why bother, I thought


many of those predictions had nothing to do with Germany, and therefore were not merely influenced by an exaggerated surge of patriotism; they were probably down to sheer luck after luck after luck after luck after luck ....; a bit like Benitez lifting his Silverware

since LUCK is a precious attribute at any time , I believe it would be most selfish to keep it all to myself. Yes, you guessed it, I am going to SHARE MY LUCK WITH YOU

think 18/19 th century; think Napoleon; think " de haut , en bas": yup, that's it

I am going to crown myself EMPEROR of the Europeanboard

any objections ??? I did not think so

But don't worry , my dear subjects all over the world. I will be a BENEVOLENT RULER

in fact , since this world needs a firm hand as soon as possible, I will start to impose my rule IMMEDIATELY

These are the first IMPERIAL DECREES to be implemented with IMMEDIATE EFFECT:

1. from now on Holland will wear the Colour GREY; Brazil will wear PINK

2. Adidas and Puma will become the only sports manufacturers in the world; production will be moved into the sweatshops of England

3. to deny that Germany are the most romantic football side in the world will become punishable by Liverpool vs Chelsea

4. EVERY first league European footballer HAS to drive a VW Polo and spend 50% of his spare-time on football Development Aid in England

5. every game will start and finish with PENALTIES, which make up 30% of the final score

6. Seria A / La Liga and the EPL will only get 2 CL spots; the Bundesliga , the Eredivisie and the US "Soccer" League will get 3 each

7. the distribution of Pies will be made illegal in London, particularly around King's Road

8. professional football pundits the world over will get one toe chopped off when they get a prediction wrong

9. Seria A will be administered and policed by the German military / judicial system

10. the world "Soccer" will become illegal

11. ticket prices may not exceed 10 Euro and will include a free beer and sausage

12. Pele, Netzer, Hoeness, Rummenigge, Shearer, Hansen and Cruyff will be thrown into a top secret dungeon ; never to be released

13. every time the MONSTER or the PRINZ score I will release white pigeons from the town square of a World Capital

14. every member of the Europeanboard will receive a Xmas Stollen

15. every TRUE football fan has the right to a nubile blonde haired, blue eyed German maiden who understands the off-side rule

now you see, living under a benign German despot isn't too bad after all, right ?

Otto what you make of Bayerns chances against the Mighty Real?

Target Man wrote:Otto what you make of Bayerns chances against the Mighty Real?

@target

it's one of those 50-50 games

Bayern have not set the world alight in the Bundesliga, but are a different team in Europe; they still lack that collective hunger ; should shift into a different gear after Xmas though; they produced a wonderful result for their last league game which will set the tone for the winterbreak

Real are looking increasingly good under Capello as well

completely even between the two; certainly THE TIE of the next round

if I HAD to pick a winner though it would be Bayern, simply because of home-advantage in the second leg; will help to settle their nerves and put Real under REAL pressure before the first ball is kicked

---------------------------------------------

further predictions:

HSV to sack Doll in the winter-break ; Hitzfeld to take over

Lehmann to sell his World Cup penalty-taking-NOTE for charity for 1 million Euro

Quite a prediction about Doll/Hitzfeld, seeing as how it's been in the German media all morning.

Cheeky monkey.

Don't know why Hitzfeld would do this to himself.

Hitzfeld just denied taking over HSV.

Good for him.

Bad prediction, Otto!

I may only have been Emperor of the European Board for a few days, but I must say, it's not quite what I expected in the first place

lying on a bear rug , listening to gentle harp music , with semi-clad Roman virgins belly-dancing whilst Egyptian beauties would feed me South African grapes: that's what I had in mind; I would spend about 15 minutes each day issuing football decrees that would restore the balance of football power, away from the greedy claws of Russian Oil or American trailer-park money

the reality looked more like this:

1. Day: Imperial obligations in Liverpool and Manchester

Posing for pictures with "boring" babies outside Anfield Road; off to Old Trafford where the finest barber would trim my golden locks and finish it off with his hair-dryer

Victoria B is in town and demands an audience with me ; I relent ; she gives me an embrace of clinching menace; my chest hurts ; I think I now have inverted nipples

2. Day: London

Photo opportunity with FAT babies in South London ; in North London Wenger complains about the pressure of playing English players ; party in the evening ; I think Cheryl Tweedy is coming on to me; she complaints about Cashely, gleefully fingers my imperial Credit Card ; next morning I feel dirty and used; go into the bathroom; Cheryl , engulfed in Egyptian goat milk, is sitting in the tub with my Imperial Crown ? amidst hysterical cries I grab my head-wear and storm out of the hotel stark naked; I lose all consciousness and wake up in the arms of Birgit Prinz;...

I GIVE UP; I've had it with being Emperor; the Crown is up for grabs; in the meantime, we need a workable structure for world football before switching to a World Football Government , with a seat in Bremen

so this is what I propose: a proper FEDERATION

1. Barrilete will rule the South/Latin Americas ; it's Argentina's turn; to pacify Brazil , I will marry him off to todo's little sister

2. Puro will become the Governor of North America and bring "football " up to Germanic standard; he will also be put in charge of world-wide betting legislation; Brian will be sent to the World Football Court in Hamburg as an information seeking envoy

3. Axe will be married off to Anglophile in a cunning dynastic union; Anglophile will be a gracious Queen of Holland and her subjects will admire her for her Germanic warmth , flair and style

4. Chrissi will become the Master of all Germanies , introduce free immediate football wisdom for everybody; the Bavarians will hate , but secretly admire his attacking style

5. all of Eastern Europe will be ruled by pele; he will assure an unlimited supply of sisterly Slavonic goodwill to be shared justly amongst all football fans the world over

6. CKing will become PM of the UK; nutters will become the Court mime, doninha the chief interpreter of matters regarding C.Ronaldo/Morinho; Rosy will become CKing's wife and keep him honest; tweedle will be responsible for finishing Wembley and children will become the chief flutist of the free city of Belfast; Obispo will become the Empire's Prefect in Wales with chief responsibility of spreading every single , available piece of football trivia into the smallest Valley hamlet

7. toon will rule over the entire Iberian Peninsula; his wife will tell him to spend more time with the family thereby driving him into the arms of nutters

8. ricardo will become Minister without Portfolio, with the main task of finding out whether he will reveal his true identity or not, for we are waiting

meanwhile, ballmaedchen and I will explore the blue grotto in Capri on a lush holiday of wild passion knowing that World Football is in good hands

Otto, thats ace- bravo dear chap, you've surpassed yourself. Plus you managed to do it all without once mentioning the English Media. Worthy of praise

otto: Albion's No 1 fan wrote:Bremen are a SERIOUS player in the CL ........ / Wenger . Benitez , Mourinho : overrated / and endless others

Well you got that one wrong!

But thanks for making me in charge of finishing Wembley

I'd do a far better job than Multiplex. Incidentally I had a meeting with them a couple of weeks ago regarding a building they were proposing - bunch of imbeciles, their knowledge of the British planning system was haphazard and a times foolish.

If you actually visit the Wembley website now though the stadium looks practically finished, which has led me to beleive that the entire Wembley stadium is just one giant poster and the truth of the matter is that they still haven't even got round to knocking down the old stadium

otto: Albion's No 1 fan wrote:meanwhile, ballmaedchen and I will explore the blue grotto in Capri on a lush holiday of wild passion knowing that World Football is in good hands

But only if everything that happens in the grotto stays in the grotto, Otto...

The Real White Powder wrote: you managed to do it all without once mentioning the English Media. Worthy of praise

@pele

I don't have much time for the English media now; I am too busy exploring every corner of snowball's mind; I know that her favourite colour is bright red and her favourite animal is the rabbit; we are diving into the deepest blue grottos imaginable, and yesterday we went up to Mount Vesuvius to watch a Vulcanic explosion; piping hot stuff , I tell you; watching nature take it's course was exhilirating if exhausting

I cannot say any more since snow has sworn me to utmost discretion. My only hope is that we will never break up; the thought of her selling our video to the highest bidder is driving me crazy

@ tweedle

pix of Wembley indeed suggest that it's ready; I think the real reason for delaying the Opening Ceremony is that the FA does not think England are ready for Germany just yet

@ snow



you might want to wear it tonight

otto: Albion's No 1 fan wrote:
@ snow



you might want to wear it tonight

It will be a pleasure for me.
Ah and Otto, be so kind and wear your shorts with these little Ottifanten.

6. Seria A / La Liga and the EPL will only get 2 CL spots; the Bundesliga , the Eredivisie and the US "Soccer" League will get 3 each

12. Pele, Netzer, Hoeness, Rummenigge, Shearer, Hansen and Cruyff will be thrown into a top secret dungeon ; never to be released

I agree with the first one

and the second I want to add Beckenbauer at it as well....

SnowBall wrote:

otto: Albion's No 1 fan wrote:
@ snow



you might want to wear that tonight

It will be a pleasure for me.
Ah and Otto, be so kind and wear your shorts with these little Ottifanten.

@ snow

if the Ottifanten shorts are a log on the fire of our passion, I'll wear two

I might leave them for later in the evening though, they don't exactly match the red evening gown that I just gave you (reminiscent of the one Michelle Pfeiffer wears in The Fabulous Baker boys)

-----------------

@ ric

leave our Kaiser alone; he is my favourite German together with Wolf Biermann , Matthias Matussek and Fraeulein Kinsky

the Kaiser is so wonderfully un-German that if we did not have him, we would have to invent him

besides, one of your very own Dutch female ministers told him : " Herr Beckenbauer, Sie sind ein schoener Mann"

I heard she is the "Beckenbauer" of Holland she tells that to every man...

RicardolphTheRedNosedJol wrote:I heard she is the "Beckenbauer" of Holland she tells that to every man...

also to Helmut Kohl ?

Just like you (see German Sportpersonality thread)...

when he has power she likes it...