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The West Ham 'Services to Team Building' Award
Runner-Up: Juan Roman Lopez Caro
"If only you had just a little bit of quality" - Levante manager Caro, overheard trying a new motivational technique on defender Luis Rubiales back in September.
Winner: Damiano Tomassi
"There are some well known players here...like Reggi,
Kapo...er...the French guy who was at Juve...er..." - Former Roma midfielder Tomassi digs himself a nice big hole when asked why he had chosen to join Levante.
The Martin Fowler 'I'm Glad She's Dead' Heart of Stone Award
Runner-Up: Fabio Capello
"He was always a little anarchic on the pitch. I've put
him on the right path" - A bench-shaped path, it seems. Capello on his strategy for handling David Beckham.
Winner - Dmitry Piterman
"You always get morons and drunks in the stands" - Alaves president Piterman loves and cherishes each and every one of the club's home support.
The Luis Aragones 'Not Quite Getting the Whole Racism' Thing Award
Runner-Up: Fernando Sanz
"It was a cowardly act. He's never liked being booed"
- The former Malaga defender - and now president - on Samuel Eto'o's attempts to walk off the pitch in protest at the racist abuse received at Zaragoza.
Winner: Oscar Gonzalez
"I played in Africa once and they called me 'whitey' all the time, but I wasn't insulted" - No sympathy from Real Zaragoza's Gonzalez, either.
The Frank Lampard 'I Fancy a Bit of That Next Season' Award
Winner: Gianluca Zambrotta.
"Training is a bit like when I played in my garden as
a kid. It's good fun" - Life in the Barcelona camp seems to be suiting the Italian full-back.
The Not Quite as Cool as Frank Rijkaard, But Close, Award
Winner: Bernd Schuster
"I wasn't too worried about him. He only ever moves
about three metres to either side" - Getafe boss Bernd Schuster on his goalkeeper 'El Pato' playing on the worst surface in history during Spain v Argentina back in Autumn.
The 'You're Pushing Your Luck' Award
Winner: Unknown 'Marca' journalist
"Are you tired of people asking you about when you took your trousers off at the airport?" - A hack to Barcelona president Joan Laporta, a man who famously removed his trousers at the airport during a security search-inspired tantrum.
The 'Perhaps You Should Tell Your Team You Can't Swim' Award
Winner: Samuel Eto'o
"The worst thing is that I've been thrown in the sea...twice" - So this is why Barcelona have been sniffing around Thierry Henry?
The Jose Antonio Reyes Services to London Tourism Award
Winner: Asier del Horno
"I've not really noticed that much difference" -
Del Horno's response when asked whether it rains more at Athletic Bilbao, his former club, or in London.
The Alex Ferguson Iron Fist Award
Runner-Up: Dmitry Piterman
"Here, people are not independent and the coach is not
at liberty to just say or do whatever he wants" - The Alaves president explains how he runs his club.
Winner: Frank Rijkaard
"I want to play in every game" - Ludovic Giuly at a
Barcelona press conference. "Every? That's a lot" - The reply from his manager.
The John Terry Pre-Match Inspirational Speech Award
Winner: Javier Clemente
"The team will save itself through its own merits. And
because there are worse ones than us" - Now ex-Athletic Bilbao manager Clemente on his
side's chances of avoiding relegation.
The Thierry Henry 'Gloves in October' Award
Winner: Diego Tristan
"There's no way I'd play in Scotland or Northern Europe. It's far too cold" - The former Deportivo and current Mallorca bench-sitter Tristan on why he reportedly turned down close-season offers from Celtic and Bolton.
The Nik Kershaw 'Wouldn't it be Good?' Award
Winner: Thomas Gravesen
"If Madrid had wanted a defensive player, they should've signed Lee Carsley" - The Real Madrid misfit speculates on a possible case of mistaken identity, after his eventual move to Celtic.
The Tempting Fate Award
Winner: Robert Pires
"I'd like to make it clear to people that I have not come here to quietly finish my career" - The former Arsenal midfielder on those who criticised his move to Villarreal, just days before knackering his knee for the entire season.
The 'No Sh*t Sherlock' Award
Winner: Roberto Carlos
"People must understand that Emerson is not Zidane" - The Real Madrid full-back on his arthritic clubmate.
The Peter Crouch 'Good Touch for a Big Man' Award
Winner: Savo Milosevic
"Considering his great stature, he's quite good with his feet" - The Serbian striker on the seven foot tall - but really very good - Racing Santander forward Nikola Zigic.
The 'Why Spain Never Win Anything' Award
Runner-Up:David Villa
"The number seven shirt isn't Raul's. It belongs to the one in the team who is wearing it at the time" - Valencia striker Villa, the man who just so happens to be the man in possession.
Winner: Joaquin
"The national team is a joke and a mess" - The out of favour - and probably will be for some time - Valencia winger shortly before Spain's defeat to Sweden in the Eurocopa qualifiers.
The 'Clearly He Hasn't Got Cable' Award
Winner: Damiel Alves
"If only we could have English referees. You aren't allowed any contact at all here in Spain" - Sevilla's superstar defender on life in La Liga.
The Arsene Wenger Tribute Award
Winner: Juande Ramos
"I couldn't see the penalty incident from my position" - The Sevilla boss shows he is perfectly qualified for a move to the Premiership, should the rumours be true.
The Best Insult To A Referee Award
Winner: Marcelino
"Peasant" - What the Recreativo boss reportedly called the man in black - a comment which landed him a two-game touch-line ban.
The Potty Mouth of the Year Award
Winner: Dmitry Piterman
"I sh*t on your f**king mother. I sh*t on your father and on your dead. May my sons f**k your daughters" - Alaves' team building session didn't quite go the way everyone hoped after this little outburst from Piterman to his captain, Lluis Carreras
Runner-Up: Juan Roman Lopez Caro
"If only you had just a little bit of quality" - Levante manager Caro, overheard trying a new motivational technique on defender Luis Rubiales back in September.
Winner: Damiano Tomassi
"There are some well known players here...like Reggi,
Kapo...er...the French guy who was at Juve...er..." - Former Roma midfielder Tomassi digs himself a nice big hole when asked why he had chosen to join Levante.
The Martin Fowler 'I'm Glad She's Dead' Heart of Stone Award
Runner-Up: Fabio Capello
"He was always a little anarchic on the pitch. I've put
him on the right path" - A bench-shaped path, it seems. Capello on his strategy for handling David Beckham.
Winner - Dmitry Piterman
"You always get morons and drunks in the stands" - Alaves president Piterman loves and cherishes each and every one of the club's home support.
The Luis Aragones 'Not Quite Getting the Whole Racism' Thing Award
Runner-Up: Fernando Sanz
"It was a cowardly act. He's never liked being booed"
- The former Malaga defender - and now president - on Samuel Eto'o's attempts to walk off the pitch in protest at the racist abuse received at Zaragoza.
Winner: Oscar Gonzalez
"I played in Africa once and they called me 'whitey' all the time, but I wasn't insulted" - No sympathy from Real Zaragoza's Gonzalez, either.
The Frank Lampard 'I Fancy a Bit of That Next Season' Award
Winner: Gianluca Zambrotta.
"Training is a bit like when I played in my garden as
a kid. It's good fun" - Life in the Barcelona camp seems to be suiting the Italian full-back.
The Not Quite as Cool as Frank Rijkaard, But Close, Award
Winner: Bernd Schuster
"I wasn't too worried about him. He only ever moves
about three metres to either side" - Getafe boss Bernd Schuster on his goalkeeper 'El Pato' playing on the worst surface in history during Spain v Argentina back in Autumn.
The 'You're Pushing Your Luck' Award
Winner: Unknown 'Marca' journalist
"Are you tired of people asking you about when you took your trousers off at the airport?" - A hack to Barcelona president Joan Laporta, a man who famously removed his trousers at the airport during a security search-inspired tantrum.
The 'Perhaps You Should Tell Your Team You Can't Swim' Award
Winner: Samuel Eto'o
"The worst thing is that I've been thrown in the sea...twice" - So this is why Barcelona have been sniffing around Thierry Henry?
The Jose Antonio Reyes Services to London Tourism Award
Winner: Asier del Horno
"I've not really noticed that much difference" -
Del Horno's response when asked whether it rains more at Athletic Bilbao, his former club, or in London.
The Alex Ferguson Iron Fist Award
Runner-Up: Dmitry Piterman
"Here, people are not independent and the coach is not
at liberty to just say or do whatever he wants" - The Alaves president explains how he runs his club.
Winner: Frank Rijkaard
"I want to play in every game" - Ludovic Giuly at a
Barcelona press conference. "Every? That's a lot" - The reply from his manager.
The John Terry Pre-Match Inspirational Speech Award
Winner: Javier Clemente
"The team will save itself through its own merits. And
because there are worse ones than us" - Now ex-Athletic Bilbao manager Clemente on his
side's chances of avoiding relegation.
The Thierry Henry 'Gloves in October' Award
Winner: Diego Tristan
"There's no way I'd play in Scotland or Northern Europe. It's far too cold" - The former Deportivo and current Mallorca bench-sitter Tristan on why he reportedly turned down close-season offers from Celtic and Bolton.
The Nik Kershaw 'Wouldn't it be Good?' Award
Winner: Thomas Gravesen
"If Madrid had wanted a defensive player, they should've signed Lee Carsley" - The Real Madrid misfit speculates on a possible case of mistaken identity, after his eventual move to Celtic.
The Tempting Fate Award
Winner: Robert Pires
"I'd like to make it clear to people that I have not come here to quietly finish my career" - The former Arsenal midfielder on those who criticised his move to Villarreal, just days before knackering his knee for the entire season.
The 'No Sh*t Sherlock' Award
Winner: Roberto Carlos
"People must understand that Emerson is not Zidane" - The Real Madrid full-back on his arthritic clubmate.
The Peter Crouch 'Good Touch for a Big Man' Award
Winner: Savo Milosevic
"Considering his great stature, he's quite good with his feet" - The Serbian striker on the seven foot tall - but really very good - Racing Santander forward Nikola Zigic.
The 'Why Spain Never Win Anything' Award
Runner-Up:David Villa
"The number seven shirt isn't Raul's. It belongs to the one in the team who is wearing it at the time" - Valencia striker Villa, the man who just so happens to be the man in possession.
Winner: Joaquin
"The national team is a joke and a mess" - The out of favour - and probably will be for some time - Valencia winger shortly before Spain's defeat to Sweden in the Eurocopa qualifiers.
The 'Clearly He Hasn't Got Cable' Award
Winner: Damiel Alves
"If only we could have English referees. You aren't allowed any contact at all here in Spain" - Sevilla's superstar defender on life in La Liga.
The Arsene Wenger Tribute Award
Winner: Juande Ramos
"I couldn't see the penalty incident from my position" - The Sevilla boss shows he is perfectly qualified for a move to the Premiership, should the rumours be true.
The Best Insult To A Referee Award
Winner: Marcelino
"Peasant" - What the Recreativo boss reportedly called the man in black - a comment which landed him a two-game touch-line ban.
The Potty Mouth of the Year Award
Winner: Dmitry Piterman
"I sh*t on your f**king mother. I sh*t on your father and on your dead. May my sons f**k your daughters" - Alaves' team building session didn't quite go the way everyone hoped after this little outburst from Piterman to his captain, Lluis Carreras
