by Batman Tue Jul 24, 2007 7:32 pm
For anyone confused as to exactly what is going on in the Tevez saga... i've tried to sum it up for you here...
*****************************
Scene1.
Attempting to make a quick buck, Joorabchian tries to sell his player Tevez to the Premier League big-hitters...
Joorabchian - Hey Chelsea, wanna buy this player? His name's Tevez and he's £25m
Chelsea - Nah man, we've just bought Shevchenko, he's ace.
Joorabchian - Hey Arsenal, wanna buy this player? His name's Tevez and he's £25m
Arsenal - Nah man, £25m's too much.
Joorabchian - Hey United, wanna buy this player? His name's Tevez and he's £25m
United - Nah man, he's unproven.
Slightly put out, Joorabchian resorts to sneakier tactics...
Joorabchian - Hey er... West Ham... wanna... er... 'loan' this player? His name's Tevez and he wont cost you a penny.
West Ham - What's the catch?
Joorabchian - Well... next season, when you sell him, i get all the money.
West Ham - Isn't that against Premier League rules?
Joorabchian - Yeah, So? I wont tell if you don't.
West Ham - Hehe... sneaky. You've got yourself a deal Mr Joorabchian.
Joorabchian - Bwahahaha, sweet.
West Ham - Bwahahahahahahah!
---------------------------------
Scene2.
Halfway through the season, the Premier League big chiefs catch wind of West Hams game.
Premier League - Oi West Ham! He's not supposed to be playing for you! it's against the rules, you cheeky buggers!
West Ham - Er... what? who?
Premier League - That Tevez bloke! He doesn't belong to you.
West Ham - Oh er... him?... er... doesn't he?... oh yeah... er...
Premier League - Tell you what... if you sever all ties with this Joorabchian bloke and rip up any contracts you've got with him, we'll let you off with a small fine and you can keep Tevez.
West Ham - What? so basically what you're saying is... that if we rip up the contract that proves Tevez belongs to Joorabchian, then we can keep him?
Premier League - Pretty much, yeah.
West Ham - So er... what you're saying is... we blatantly flaunted the rules of the league, so we have to pay a £6m fine, but in doing so; we get a £25m player for f@ck all?
Premier League - Yeah, that sound fair?
West Ham - Well er... yeah.
Premier League - Cool.
West Ham - Bwahahahahahahahaha!
------------------------------
Scene3.
Tevez scores loads of goals and saves West Ham from relegation causing Sheffield United to go down instead. Sheffield United, knowing that Tevez should not have been playing for the Hammers, cry like a smacked baby...
Sheffield United - WTF? This is Bollocks! we... he... they....
Premier League - Shut the f@ck up!
--------------------------------
Scene4.
After seeing Tevez adapt well to Premier League football, the champions Manchester United decide to buy him. So, naturally, they go to the bloke who owns him - a certain Mr Joorabchian - and offer £25m...
United - Hey Joorabchian, Tevez did well at West Ham, we'll buy him now.
Joorabchian - No probs, you got £25m?
United - Yeah sure, lets get this deal down.
Joorabchian - ok, cool.
But the Premier League have different ideas...
Premier League - Erm... actually guys... i'm afraid you can't make that deal...
United - eh? why?
Joorabchian - yeah, why?
Premier League - Er... we kinda 'gave' Tevez to West Ham.
Joorabchian - ...
Premier League - Yeah, er... we kinda said West Ham could keep Tevez. So United will have to pay them the £25m.
West Ham - Yeah, he's ours now, we ripped up the contract!
Joorabchian - But...
Premier League - Hey, shut up Joorabchian!
West Ham - Yeah shut it!
United - Hang on... what's going on here?
Premier League - It's not our problem, ask FIFA or something.
Joorabchian - But my money?...
Premier League - We told you to shut the f@ck up!
------------------------------------
Scene5.
FIFA gets involved...
FIFA - Eh? oh $h!t! ask somebody else.
FIFA relinquishes all involvement.
-----------------------------------
TO BE CONTINUED
By ciderman9000000