Fergie's old tap-dancing routine makes me cringeBut surely not even Stevie Wonder would turn his head away from Alex Ferguson's accusation that Real Madrid, like their old mate Franco, are lacking in morals.
Because as everyone with the tiniest of smattering of football knowledge can tell you, when it comes to transfer dealings, Fergie is in no position to lecture others.
As for United's threat to urge FIFA to investigate Real Madrid for tapping-up Cristiano Ronaldo, can I, on behalf of world football, say: "Please Sir, bring it on".
Put simply, if Madrid were to ask FIFA to turn the same spotlight on Fergie it would open up a can of worms big enough for Bob Nudd to empty every river in the land of its pike population. The only question to be asked about Ferguson and tapping-up is where do you begin?
Let's stick with the last decade and start with the most publicised example: Jaap Stam detailing in his autobiography the precise methods employed by Fergie in 1998 to tap him up when he was still at PSV Eindhoven.
Ferguson wasn't investigated but Stam was shipped out, according to the Dutchman, for spilling the beans.
Remember in 2003 when United tried to sign Ronaldinho from Paris St Germain? Here's what their president Francis Graille said: "Manchester have not played the game in line with FIFA regulations.
"They have negotiated directly with the player. Even if they have got agreement from the player, they haven't got agreement from his club."
In the January of that year Sunderland chairman Bob Murray described Fergie's approaches to David Bellion as "shabby, despicable, disrespectful, arrogant and unprofessional".
And the previous summer United were accused of tapping-up Rennes full-back Julien Escude, after the France Under-21 international player claimed Ferguson had spoken to him on his mobile phone.
Ask Leeds and Everton about the behind-the-scenes connivance with Rio Ferdinand's and Wayne Rooney's agents before they moved to Old Trafford. Ask Fulham's Mohammed Al Fayed why he raged about Fergie "constantly unsettling my players" as he pursued Luis Saha. Ask Bayern Munich chairman Karl-Heinz Rummenigge why he said in 2006: "We have told Manchester United that they should stop trying to tempt Owen Hargreaves. If they don't, then we will have to turn to FIFA."
But best of all, ask PSV Eindhoven's chairman Harry van Raaij about Fergie's behaviour in courting Ruud van Nistelrooy in 2000. Specifically his quote "he has crossed the line of decency".
Then ask him why, in 2004, when Arjen Robben was given the red-carpet treatment at United's training ground while still a PSV player, van Raaij flew into a rage and said: "It is Ferguson's way of doing business. A leopard never changes his spots."
I could go on but you get the picture. Before Ferguson conjures up images of the Madrid dictator Franco he should look hard into his mirror. For him to question the morals of another club when it comes exerting psychological pressure on a player he's set his sights on, is laughable.
To think a FIFA inquiry into deals which haven't gone strictly by the book would put another club in a worse light than his own, is dangerously deluded.
It must be down to the ease with which he has run rings around the petrified English authorities (as currently exemplified by the FA appealing against themselves for bizarrely letting Fergie and his assistant Carlos Queiroz off an improper conduct charge after attacking referee Martin Atkinson and his boss Keith Hackett).
Fergie knows better than anyone that one of the major reasons for his phenomenal success has been an ability to tie up deals with some of the world's best players.
Deals which, for every club in the world, often mean stretching the rule-book to the limits.
Hypocrisy, eh? Bloody hell.
"Fergie knows better than anyone that one of the reasons for his success has been an ability to tie up deals with some of the world's best players
Fergie
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