by Glenarch of the Glen Sat Sep 24, 2011 2:01 am
Saturday 24th September
Man City vs. Everton (12:45)
Manchester City, like Chelsea, Blackburn and Manchester United before them are discovering that making an omelette isn't just about breaking eggs. You also need some cheese, olive oil or butter and heat. Meanwhile, Everton no longer have Joseph Yobo in their squad, he is on-loan at Turkish match-fixers Fenerbahce. City will be heavy favourites and will need to win in order to keep pace with English match-fixers and rennowned omelette eaters Manchester United.
Arsenal vs. Bolton Wanderers (15:00)
Arsenal "manager" Arsene Wanger believes it is too early to rule out a title challenge. He is wrong, but a win at home against fellow no-hopers Bolton Wanderers should postpone talks of a relegation battle. With news that The Real White Pele, Jack Wilshire, will be out injured until Christmas, Wanger can console himself with the fact that Squillaci will also be unavailable indefinitely. The extraordinarily underrated Ivan Klasnic is suspended for this game so Bolton will be looking for Song and Koscielny's continued generosity.
Chelsea vs. Swansea City (15:00)
His armband proved he was a red - Torres, Torres
You'll never walk alone it said - Torres, Torres
We bought the lad from sunny Spain
He gets the ball he scores again
Fer-nan-do Torres, Chelsea's number nine
Even the naive and stupid Chelsea manager Andre Villas-Boas should guide his team to a win at home against newly promoted Swansea City, an away trip might be a different matter, anyone who has ever been to Swansea will know it is bleak enough place to suck the life out of even the most joyful. Much like a Dementor from the Harry Potter books.
Liverpool vs. Wolverhampton Wanderers (15:00)
The best team in the world against the worst. On paper this should be an easy three points for Liverpool, particularly if (as he does against Manchester United) Mick McCarthy decides to field a side comprised entirely of players'wives. Craig Bellamy's midweek performance will give Dalglish a (metaphorical) headache and perhaps an erection.
Newcastle vs. Blackburn Rovers (15:00)
Relegation 6-pointers do come more mouthwatering than this. With the silly Geordies publically adopting an Ársenal 'recruitment policy at the start of the season that Arsenal implode and the smelly Indian Blackburn owners pledging a full five million pounds to make The Rovers a top 4 side, this is the clash of the unwanted managers and beloved owners. Alan 'not Chris Hughton'Pardew and Steve 'not Roy'Kean. Not even the fans care what happens here, but the match will go ahead for the sake of the Asian betting market.
West Bromwich Albion vs. Fulham (15:00)
Premier League failure is usually rewarded with a 2nd and 3rd chance at a slightly lesser club. So this game will see the former Liverpool manager face the former Spuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurs manager. With former Liverpool, Chelsea, Manchester United, Tottenham and Arsenal players on show, this game almost has it all.
Wigan Athletic vs. Tottenham Hotspur (15:00)
Two sexy footballing sides with two sexy managers. This game promises shots, corners, volleys and all sorts of other treats. The only downside being the absence of Hugo Rodallega and the fact this this tie is rendered meaningless by the reality that we all live in The Matrix.
Stoke City vs. Manchester United (17:30)
The ugliest footballing side in the top flight take on perenial overachievers Stoke City. If ever a banana skin had potential it was this one, Peter Walton is the referee http://cc.fulhamfc.com/forum/topics/peter-walton-was-paid-off?xg_source=activity
Oxygen-Chamber is in the squad and hopefully will get a run out at some point. 
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